Tag: games

Categories
Puzzled Over

Pengo The Pimp

I think T-Mobile is having an identity crisis when trying to market the Sidekick. There’s three main market groups that the Sidekick appeals to – geeks, gossip girls, and hip-hoppers. Geeks get stuff like the SSH app and the new spreadsheet app. Gossip girls get the Juicy Couture Sidekick and the like. The hip hop fans get a lot of ringtones.

But sometimes the marketing gets way too ambitious.

Over the last few days, a port of the 1982 Sega arcade game [PENGO](http://www.klov.com/game_detail.php?letter=P&game_id=8989) has appeared in the Sidekick App Catalog. The description is drop dead funny, and it reads as follows (boldface is mine):

> Fujin brings you PENGO; Sega Mobile’s sharp-dressed penguin. The arcade hit from 1982 returns from the deep freeze. This is the **most accurate penguin simulator** Sega has ever produced. Variable difficulty settings let you sling ice at your own pace. Pengo was leading the good life, **just cold chillin’** in his red tux. That is, until the Sno-bees appeared. These **haters** are **out to front** on Pengo’s **lavish lifestyle**, and **that just won’t fly with this bird**. Now Pengo’s got to **defend his crib** by squashing the Sno-bees with blocks of ice on each level. And then there’s another kind of ice on the board — the diamond blocks, which add some **serious bling-bling** to your score when lined up. And speaking of score, Pengo saves your top score, so you can **show your crew** just what you’re worth. For old-school gaming on your new-school Sidekick, go with the king — Pengo.

Wow, who knew Pengo was such a pimp? Also, the “most accurate penguin simulator” line cracks me up way too much.

PREVIOUSLY: Losing All Hope Is Freedom

Categories
Enjoyed

Vacation Postcard

Dear World,

I’ll have you know I am most enjoying my week off. My percentage of vacations being at least slightly derailed continues to hold at 100%, although to be fair it was not a complete derail this time, nor am I in any way miffed or upset by the circumstances.

I’ve had two lovely, relaxing days strolling around NYC with [Suw](http://chocnvodka.blogware.com/blog) in her post-conference state, and I am lucky to have another two or so ahead. I do find it slightly odd how we endlessly have blog-related matters to debate, as I typically don’t find much cause to talk about blogging with the people around me – but no matter. (Suw’s recap of today was also [just posted](http://chocnvodka.blogware.com/blog/_archives/2005/10/21/1313691.html)).

I’ve also been finding myself purchasing a number of items I had been looking forward to – a new [iPod Video](http://www.flickr.com/photos/remydwd/54113978/), [The Warriors](http://www.flickr.com/photos/remydwd/53800446/), and Shadow Of The Colossus. To capsule review all three:

– The iPod fills all the major gaps in functionality I had with my existing iPod (album art, battery life, click wheel, another 20GB of space) and the video capability is a nice bonus. My only major complaint is the lack of a remote port. Oh well. Full review coming next week.
– The Warriors, while not a perfect game, is probably the most enjoyable beat-em-up I’ve played since Final Fight. I just tore through the movie tonight, and Rockstar really has got it down to an almost uncanny degree. Full review coming in the near future.
– Shadow of the Colossus deserves to be sleeper hit of the year. I don’t have the patience to play it for long stints of time with company around, but I’ve burned through the first two colossi, and this game is a huge breath of fresh air. Anyone who appreciates games as more than mere entertainment – and who can stand a game that discourages ADD-style playing – owes it to themselves to pick this up.

I apologize for the lack of pictures as of late; I seem to have lost my battery charger for my camera, and I am nearly out of juice. I will be running to the Sony store any day now to buy a new one, I promise.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Keep in touch, won’t you?

Warm regards,
Dan

Categories
Puzzled Over

Losing All Hope Is Freedom

> Tyler lies back and asks, “If Marilyn Monroe was alive right now, what would she be doing?”

> I say, goodnight.

> The headliner hangs down in shreds from the ceiling, and Tyler says, “Clawing at the lid of her coffin.”

People who have been around me for longer than thirty minutes know I’m very prone to the nervous tic of checking my [Sidekick](http://hiptop.com/). Combining all the functionality I need in a mobile device, it’s practically fused to my fingers anymore. As a mobile platform, it gets a fair amount of crap from alpha geeks for not being “open” and allowing anyone to put programs on it, but there is a system to download ringtones, applications, and games.

People who have been near my bookshelf and actually examined it know I’m a big fan of Chuck Palahniuk – perhaps as the only author I routinely pick up new titles for. Furthermore, I think Fight Club is David Fincher’s best work. It was the first DVD I ever purchased, and it remains one of my favorites to this day.

Gamers will recall the look of horror we shared when they heard Fight Club was being turned into a console game. [Universally panned](http://www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/ps2/fightclub) and [quickly budgetized](http://www.flickr.com/photos/remydwd/25553960/), it remains a black spot on the gaming release lists last year.
That look of terror is back, ladies and gentlemen, as I found “Fight Club” listed in my Sidekick 2 Catalog today. If transforming such a book/movie into a game wasn’t bad enough, this immediately hits three more crimes against humanity:

**One**, there is no preview. Most Sidekick applications come with a screenshot or two as previews, so you can maybe get some indication of what the game or application is like. Not here.

**Two**, the description of the game. I quote all of this verbatim. Short description:

> Punch and kick your way to the top of Fight Club in this thrilling adaptation of the cult movie.

The long description:

> Fight Club accurately recreates the atmosphere of the cult 1999 movie with its amazing graphics and sounds, a wide variety of combat moves, destructible environments and a strong storyline. You are Jack, a man disgruntled with society and suffering from insomnia & schizophrenia. Punch and kick your way to the top of Fight Club as you attempt to beat Tyler Durden, and stop the pending Mayhem. With its simple 1 button control and gradual introduction of behaviours, Fight Club is easy to pick up!

Nothing in this description is accurate (main character wasn’t named), consistent (wide variety of combat moves with simple controls?), or even terribly appealing as a game. One button controls? What is this, Kirby’s Air Ride?

**Three**, after not being able to see the game before buying it, and being given what may be the worst textual description in history, they want to charge you the most they can for a Sidekick game – $5.99.

Look, if you’re in the mobile content industry, do us all a favor. Stop shoveling crap at us. I know it’s a captive audience and all, but this is insulting to the intelligence of your customer base.