Puzzled Over

Losing All Hope Is Freedom

> Tyler lies back and asks, “If Marilyn Monroe was alive right now, what would she be doing?”

> I say, goodnight.

> The headliner hangs down in shreds from the ceiling, and Tyler says, “Clawing at the lid of her coffin.”

People who have been around me for longer than thirty minutes know I’m very prone to the nervous tic of checking my [Sidekick]( Combining all the functionality I need in a mobile device, it’s practically fused to my fingers anymore. As a mobile platform, it gets a fair amount of crap from alpha geeks for not being “open” and allowing anyone to put programs on it, but there is a system to download ringtones, applications, and games.

People who have been near my bookshelf and actually examined it know I’m a big fan of Chuck Palahniuk – perhaps as the only author I routinely pick up new titles for. Furthermore, I think Fight Club is David Fincher’s best work. It was the first DVD I ever purchased, and it remains one of my favorites to this day.

Gamers will recall the look of horror we shared when they heard Fight Club was being turned into a console game. [Universally panned]( and [quickly budgetized](, it remains a black spot on the gaming release lists last year.
That look of terror is back, ladies and gentlemen, as I found “Fight Club” listed in my Sidekick 2 Catalog today. If transforming such a book/movie into a game wasn’t bad enough, this immediately hits three more crimes against humanity:

**One**, there is no preview. Most Sidekick applications come with a screenshot or two as previews, so you can maybe get some indication of what the game or application is like. Not here.

**Two**, the description of the game. I quote all of this verbatim. Short description:

> Punch and kick your way to the top of Fight Club in this thrilling adaptation of the cult movie.

The long description:

> Fight Club accurately recreates the atmosphere of the cult 1999 movie with its amazing graphics and sounds, a wide variety of combat moves, destructible environments and a strong storyline. You are Jack, a man disgruntled with society and suffering from insomnia & schizophrenia. Punch and kick your way to the top of Fight Club as you attempt to beat Tyler Durden, and stop the pending Mayhem. With its simple 1 button control and gradual introduction of behaviours, Fight Club is easy to pick up!

Nothing in this description is accurate (main character wasn’t named), consistent (wide variety of combat moves with simple controls?), or even terribly appealing as a game. One button controls? What is this, Kirby’s Air Ride?

**Three**, after not being able to see the game before buying it, and being given what may be the worst textual description in history, they want to charge you the most they can for a Sidekick game – $5.99.

Look, if you’re in the mobile content industry, do us all a favor. Stop shoveling crap at us. I know it’s a captive audience and all, but this is insulting to the intelligence of your customer base.