Tag: comedy

Mashup: Closer To Business Time

Post author By Dan Dickinson
Post date April 9, 2008
No Comments on Mashup: Closer To Business Time

In one hypothetical hand, I hold an instrumental version of Trent Reznor’s seminal (ha!) single, *Closer*. The original is directly sexual and raw. It continues to have one of the most familiar refrains in recent musical history – you know, the one about, er, doing things to people like an animal and feeling them from the inside.

(Warning: the song and the video, embedded below, are NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Also, do not play this if there are children in the area. Not because I don’t want them to see and/or hear it, but I don’t want to be held responsible if you hit the play button.)

In my other hypothetical hand, I hold the original staged version of *Business Time* by New Zealand’s fourth most popular folk rock parody band, *Flight Of The Conchords*. Never has the actual process of lovemaking been so accurately described.

(Strangely, the video for *Business Time* is flagged on YouTube, but the video for *Closer* is not.)

You can see where this is going, I’m sure. And certainly this hilarious photoshopped image will make it even clearer.

I would traditionally use this paragraph to half-heartedly apologize for ruining perfectly good songs in my mashups. Mocking my usual inability to find appropriate loops or sighing about parts where the track trainwreck, I would try to lower expectations.

Not this time. This one came out pretty well.

DOWNLOAD: Nine Inch Conchords – Closer To Business Time

(For the technically inclined, this was done in a very uncomplicated manner in Ableton Suite 7.)

Tags comedy, mashup, music, nin

Puzzled Over

From An Amazing Pain In The Neck To Fifth Grade

Post author By Dan Dickinson
Post date October 4, 2007
No Comments on From An Amazing Pain In The Neck To Fifth Grade

If I use the phrase “If it weren’t for my horse…”, I’d guess that a number of people I know could finish the sentence.

> When from behind me, a woman of 25 uttered the dumbest thing I’d ever heard in my life … She said, ‘If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.’ I’ll repeat that. I’ll repeat that because that’s the kind of sentence that when you hear it, your brain comes to a screeching halt. And the left hand side of the brain looks at the right hand side and goes, ‘It’s dark in here, and we may die.’ She said, ‘If it weren’t for my horse…’ as in, giddy up, giddy up, let’s go – ‘I wouldn’t have spent that year in college,’ a degree-granting institution. Don’t! Don’t think about that sentence for more than three minutes, or blood’ll shoot out your nose.

If you hadn’t heard it previously, the above bit is from Lewis Black’s The White Album. It may be his most iconic bit, if only for the sheer lunacy and Comedy Central’s insistence of replaying his standup specials as much as possible.

Today, the New York Times ran a fairly routine article about an email flood that occurred on a Homeland Security private network today. It generated over 2.2 million emails, and…wait, what’s this?

> John Polhemus, the plant security director at the Lanxess Corporation in Pittsburgh, said: “This has gone from an amazing pain in the neck to fifth grade. But that was my favorite grade.”

If you’ll excuse me, blood is shooting out my nose.