A Truck With Balls

Through a process that defies explanation, I have licensed the above 2005 “truck nuts” photo to Comedy Central’s tosh.0 for use as a punchline in the Jet Ski Parking “Video Breakdown”, which aired last week as part of episode 218. (It’s at 0:55 in the clip – blink and you will miss it.)
The check arrived today, and it does in fact read “LICENSE FEE: TRUCK NUTS PHOTO”.

License Fee: Truck Nuts Photo

(This differs slightly from the licensing agreement which stated the licensed material was a still photo of “truck with comedic testicular decoration on tailgate”.)

Sometimes I wonder what I did to ensure my life would be so constantly surreal.

Puzzled Over

Spot The Loony: Pre-owned Edition

Only one of the following news articles actually occurred:

Puzzled Over

From An Amazing Pain In The Neck To Fifth Grade

If I use the phrase “If it weren’t for my horse…”, I’d guess that a number of people I know could finish the sentence.

> When from behind me, a woman of 25 uttered the dumbest thing I’d ever heard in my life … She said, ‘If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.’ I’ll repeat that. I’ll repeat that because that’s the kind of sentence that when you hear it, your brain comes to a screeching halt. And the left hand side of the brain looks at the right hand side and goes, ‘It’s dark in here, and we may die.’ She said, ‘If it weren’t for my horse…’ as in, giddy up, giddy up, let’s go – ‘I wouldn’t have spent that year in college,’ a degree-granting institution. Don’t! Don’t think about that sentence for more than three minutes, or blood’ll shoot out your nose.

If you hadn’t heard it previously, the above bit is from Lewis Black’s The White Album. It may be his most iconic bit, if only for the sheer lunacy and Comedy Central’s insistence of replaying his standup specials as much as possible.

Today, the New York Times ran a fairly routine article about an email flood that occurred on a Homeland Security private network today. It generated over 2.2 million emails, and…wait, what’s this?

> John Polhemus, the plant security director at the Lanxess Corporation in Pittsburgh, said: “This has gone from an amazing pain in the neck to fifth grade. But that was my favorite grade.”

If you’ll excuse me, blood is shooting out my nose.