You enter your apartment.
Buttons the cat greets you with a warm purr.
> EXAMINE ANSWERING MACHINE
The answering machine is black, with silver trim.
The phone rests in the cradle.
The red LED displays a solid "1", indicating you
have one message you have already heard.
> TURN ON XBOX 360
You boot your Xbox 360. You reach the dashboard.
> LOG IN TO XBOX LIVE WITH RECOVERY ACCOUNT
You attempt to sign on with your recovery account,
but you receive a network error.
> LOG IN TO XBOX LIVE WITH RECOVERY ACCOUNT
You sign on with your recovery account.
> CHECK POINTS ON XBOX 360
Achievement points or Microsoft points?
> CHECK MICROSOFT POINTS ON XBOX 360
You have 0 Microsoft points.
> FUCKITY FUCK FUCK
You kiss your mother with that mouth?
> PRESS BUTTON ON ANSWERING MACHINE
Which button?
> PRESS PLAY BUTTON ON ANSWERING MACHINE
A message from someone who sounds like "Suzette"
plays. Your request to be refunded your points has
been either put in or is being processed.
Suzette says she'll give you a call back within 24 to 48
hours, or you can call her at the phone number she
mentions and give the case number.
This message was left Monday afternoon.
> CHECK DAY OF WEEK ON CALENDAR
Today is Wednesday.
> CHECK WATCH
It is 8:30 PM.
> DO COMPLICATED TIME MATH
Through a series of difficult equations, you deduce
that it has been over 48 hours since Suzette has
called.
The stress of the math makes you realize that you
have been awake for 16 hours straight. You should
think about going to bed.
> PICK UP PHONE
You pick up the phone.
> TAKE NOTEPAD
You pick up the notepad.
> TAKE PEN
You pick up a pen.
> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE
You get part of the phone number written down before
the message ends.
> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE
You get ten digits, but they may not be right.
> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE
You get all ten digits right and the first four of the case
number.
You are tired. You should think about going to bed.
> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE
You now have all of the relevant information.
> CALL 1-800-469-9269 ON PHONE
You dial 1-800-4MY-XBOX.
> OH CHRIST IT'S A TRAP
General Akbar would be proud.
The Xbox tone plays. Max, the automated menu,
answers the phone in a chipper voice. He begins:
"Hey, thanks for calling Xbox Customer support."
> SAY "OPERATOR"
Max doesn't respond.
Max says "Your call may be monitored or recorded
for quality assurance. My name is Max, and I can
help you find what you're looking for. Do you need
help with: Xbox Console, Xbox Live, Xbox Games,
or Accounts and Billing?"
> SAY "XBOX LIVE"
Max continues: "Which console are you calling about?
The original Xbox, or the Xbox 360?"
You are very tired. You should go to bed.
> SAY "XBOX 360"
"Xbox 360, gotcha. Here's a tip. You can visit
xbox.com/marketplace to get the latest information
about downloads and other information about Xbox Live."
> SIGH
You sigh.
"So what are you trying to find out about?," Max continues.
> SAY "OPERATOR"
Max responds, "I'll see if I can find someone else who
can help you out. The representative will be able to help
you faster if you have your gamer tag ready."
You are extremely tired. Go to bed.
> WAIT
A female voice says "PLEASE WAIT!", followed by two tones.
> PREPARE TO ROCK OUT TO HOLD MUSIC
You get in a comfortable position to chair dance.
You are about to pass out from exhaustion.
An automated female voice answers the phone.
> QUIRK BROW
"Thank you for contacting Xbox. We are unable to
answer your call at this time. Please try calling again
later, or visit the Xbox web site at www.xbox.com.
Thank you for calling. Goodbye."
The phone disconnects.
You pass out.
GAME OVER
Your final score is 0 out of 17,000 Microsoft Points.
RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT?
