oneactplay – Dan Dickinson: The Primary Vivid Weblog

Newspaper Of Record

Newspaper Of Record A One Act Play Based On Imagined But Plausible Events By Dan Dickinson

CURTAIN UP:

INT. DETROIT FREE PRESS NEWSROOM. SUMMER, 2007

THREE REPORTERS sit at desks in an otherwise empty newsroom. They all intently stare at their computers. A clock audibly ticks.

REPORTER A sighs, stands up, and stretches to crack his back.

REPORTER A Hey, what have you guys got for stories today?

REPORTER B (barely looking up) I got nothing.

REPORTER C Me neither.

REPORTER A kicks the air.

REPORTER A (sighing) God damnit. We need to put something in the paper today. Can't have a paper without stories!

REPORTER B Yeah, yeah, we know.

REPORTER C (checking his watch) Hey, it's almost lunch time. Whatdya guys want?

REPORTER A We did chinese yesterday - how about pizza. Maybe some Dominos.

REPORTER B Alright, let me order it online.

REPORTER C (slightly astonished) Wow, I didn't know you could order Dominos online.

There is a BEAT.

REPORTER A (putting finger into the air and yelling triumphantly) PRINT IT!

CURTAIN FALLS.

FIN.

L’appel Telephonique Sauvage

L'appel Telephonique Sauvage
A One Act Play
Based On True Events
By Dan Dickinson
CURTAIN UP:
INT. DAN DICKINSON'S APARTMENT.
DAN DICKINSON sits at his desk.  His computer is 
playing "Narcolepsy" by Ben Folds.  His wife, 
KATIE DICKINSON, is sitting on the couch typing 
into her laptop.
THE PHONE RINGS.
DAN DICKINSON
Hmm, wonder who that could be.
DAN mutes his music and walks over to the phone, 
picking it up in his right hand.
DAN DICKINSON
Hello?
There is a SHORT PAUSE, followed by a click.
MALE VOICE ON PHONE
(background noise indicates some sort of call center)
Hello?
DAN is visibly irritated, knowing this is a cold call.
DAN DICKINSON
(irritated) Yes?
MALE VOICE ON PHONE
Dan?
DAN DICKINSON
(somewhat surprised they used just a nickname) Yes?
MALE VOICE ON PHONE
(jovial) How's it going?  This is Pam from Girls' Gone 
Wild...
DAN DICKINSON
*(V.O., representing internal monologue)*
What the FUCK?
MALE VOICE NAMED PAM
(still jovial) We're conducting a short phone survey 
and...
DAN DICKINSON
(strongly) Could you PLEASE put me on 
your "Do Not Call" list?
DAN hangs up the phone, then stares at it, baffled.
CURTAIN FALLS.
END.

I wish I had the wit, comedic timing, and tape recorder of Eugene Mirman – I can only imagine how much unbridled hilarity could have been in store.

(If you liked this one, be sure to read my other life-is-surreal play, The Market Of Boston.)