Categories
Debated Puzzled Over

Take Two’s Fifty Million Dollar Hat

Moneyhats. The phrase is frequently thrown around in gaming circles when it comes to exclusivity deals; the origin is [a Penny Arcade strip](http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2000/10/23) from October of 2000:

These sorts of deals are becoming more and more commonplace, and this week has had a whopper of one: Take Two announced that the “episodic content” for GTAIV will be exclusive to the Xbox 360.

Never keep Occam’s Razor far from you. As GAF user sangreal [discovered](http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6754804&postcount=375) in [a transcript of the recent Take Two earnings call](http://seekingalpha.com/article/38017), the simplest solution still is the most worthwhile one:

*Evan Wilson – Pacific Crest Securities*
>Thank you. And as it relates to the deferred revenue chunk associated with the episodic content on X-Box 360, you can see that $25 million of that moved into short-term deferred. Could you give us any sense of when that’s going to hit the P&L? Will we see $25 million at one time and then the second 25 or will it be a slow bleed?

*Lainie Goldstein – Chief Financial Officer, Take Two*
>The first 25 is for the first episodic content package that’s supposed to go out and that is in March of ’08. That’s why it moved into current because it’s in the next 12 months. The second 25 will be for the second episodic, the episode, and that will be later in fiscal ’08.

Repeat: These two exclusive content packs cost Microsoft a combined $50,000,000 to secure.

I am obviously in the wrong business.

Categories
Best Of Created Endured

Xbox Support: The Text Adventure

You enter your apartment.
Buttons the cat greets you with a warm purr.


> EXAMINE ANSWERING MACHINE


The answering machine is black, with silver trim.
The phone rests in the cradle.
The red LED displays a solid "1", indicating you
have one message you have already heard.


> TURN ON XBOX 360


You boot your Xbox 360.  You reach the dashboard.


> LOG IN TO XBOX LIVE WITH RECOVERY ACCOUNT


You attempt to sign on with your recovery account,
but you receive a network error.


> LOG IN TO XBOX LIVE WITH RECOVERY ACCOUNT


You sign on with your recovery account.


> CHECK POINTS ON XBOX 360


Achievement points or Microsoft points?


> CHECK MICROSOFT POINTS ON XBOX 360


You have 0 Microsoft points.


> FUCKITY FUCK FUCK


You kiss your mother with that mouth?


> PRESS BUTTON ON ANSWERING MACHINE


Which button?


> PRESS PLAY BUTTON ON ANSWERING MACHINE


A message from someone who sounds like "Suzette"
plays.  Your request to be refunded your points has
been either put in or is being processed.


Suzette says she'll give you a call back within 24 to 48
hours, or you can call her at the phone number she
mentions and give the case number.


This message was left Monday afternoon.


> CHECK DAY OF WEEK ON CALENDAR


Today is Wednesday.


> CHECK WATCH


It is 8:30 PM.


> DO COMPLICATED TIME MATH


Through a series of difficult equations, you deduce
that it has been over 48 hours since Suzette has
called.


The stress of the math makes you realize that you
have been awake for 16 hours straight.  You should
think about going to bed.


> PICK UP PHONE


You pick up the phone.


> TAKE NOTEPAD


You pick up the notepad.


> TAKE PEN


You pick up a pen.


> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE


You get part of the phone number written down before
the message ends.


> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE


You get ten digits, but they may not be right.


> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE


You get all ten digits right and the first four of the case
number.


You are tired.  You should think about going to bed.


> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE


You now have all of the relevant information.


> CALL 1-800-469-9269 ON PHONE


You dial 1-800-4MY-XBOX.


> OH CHRIST IT'S A TRAP


General Akbar would be proud.


The Xbox tone plays.  Max, the automated menu,
answers the phone in a chipper voice.  He begins:
"Hey, thanks for calling Xbox Customer support."


> SAY "OPERATOR"


Max doesn't respond.


Max says "Your call may be monitored or recorded
for quality assurance.  My name is Max, and I can
help you find what you're looking for.  Do you need
help with: Xbox Console, Xbox Live, Xbox Games,
or Accounts and Billing?"


> SAY "XBOX LIVE"


Max continues: "Which console are you calling about?
The original Xbox, or the Xbox 360?"


You are very tired.  You should go to bed.


> SAY "XBOX 360"


"Xbox 360, gotcha.  Here's a tip.  You can visit
xbox.com/marketplace to get the latest information
about downloads and other information about Xbox Live."


> SIGH


You sigh.


"So what are you trying to find out about?," Max continues.


> SAY "OPERATOR"


Max responds, "I'll see if I can find someone else who
can help you out.  The representative will be able to help
you faster if you have your gamer tag ready."


You are extremely tired.  Go to bed.


> WAIT


A female voice says "PLEASE WAIT!", followed by two tones.


> PREPARE TO ROCK OUT TO HOLD MUSIC


You get in a comfortable position to chair dance.


You are about to pass out from exhaustion.


An automated female voice answers the phone.


> QUIRK BROW


"Thank you for contacting Xbox.  We are unable to
answer your call at this time.  Please try calling again
later, or visit the Xbox web site at www.xbox.com.
Thank you for calling.  Goodbye."


The phone disconnects.


You pass out.


GAME OVER


Your final score is 0 out of 17,000 Microsoft Points.


RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT?
Categories
Disliked Puzzled Over

Are You McLovin?

Today, I was talking to [Matty](http://www.capndesign.com/) about [Superbad](http://www.areyousuperbad.com/). So sure, the original trailer is great, but the “red band trailer” (distinguished by the red MPAA screen) is fantastic, possibly even the stuff of legend.

But [the YouTube link](http://youtube.com/watch?v=FPc28FASaEE) I had posted before has been pulled. Now, seemingly, the only way to get at it was through the official site’s [age verification section](http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/superbad/site/agegate/index.html).

An abridged list of things we’ve learned on the Internet in the last ten years:

* CAPTCHAs don’t work.
* Cats are simultaneously hilarious and adorable.
* Anti-spam methods don’t work.
* Talking like an idiot never goes out of style.
* Age verification methods don’t work.

I’d like to focus on the last one, obviously.

The form to verify your age looks something like this:

The fine print on the same page reads:

>I understand that I am allowed to enter the Restricted Area only if I am 18 years or older and have a valid driver’s license. To verify my age, I hereby authorize Verification Financial Assurance Corporation (“VeriFAC”) to confirm the accuracy of the information I have provided against government-issued records. I acknowledge that the information I am providing on this page will not be collected by Sony and that it will only be accessed and used by VeriFAC to verify my age and for no other purposes.

So you have to have a driver’s license and be 18 or older. It would be easy to question the wisdom of forcing people to have a license to operate a motor vehicle to view an awesome movie trailer, but let’s not argue with that decision. It’s not like kids could just use their parents details – no kid under 18 knows their parents first *and* last names, let alone their birth day and their zip code. That’s some strong four-factor authentication.

Anyhow, the truly amusing part for me is that so much of the original trailer revolves around one character (Fogell, played by the incredibly named Christopher Mintz-Plasse) getting a fake ID with the name “McLovin” on it.

In what may be the greatest wasted opportunity in movie web site hisotry, the form does not successfully validate if you use a last name of “McLovin”, with a birth date of 06/03/1981 and a zip code of 96820. You get an error complaining that you didn’t fill out the first name field. Jesus, people, don’t you get it? He doesn’t even *have* a first name. HE **IS** McLOVIN.

I guess all you kids under 18 are out of luck if you want to watch [the red band trailer](http://flash.sonypictures.com/video/movies/superbad/site/SB_redband.flv), and you’ll have to wait till you’re older to see the DVD of what may be the greatest summer movie of all time. Sucks to be you, kids.

Sucks to be you.