Category: Endured

Trials, marathons, or otherwise draining.

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Endured Found

Nintendo World Launch

Today was the much ballyhooed Nintendo World launch, christening Nintendo’s new retails store in what used to be the Pokemon Center. For those not in NYC who are dying to see what it looks like, I took a boatload of cameraphone shots, and you can view them at:

My thoughts? Utter, bitter disappointment.

– There’s nothing game-wise that’s unique to the store. The only merchandise you can’t find elsewhere is some Nintendo-branded clothing.
– The prices are exactly the same as any other retail outlet.
– The historical items are sort of neat but a very small section of the store.
– There’s tons of empty space; the space that is used is cramped, leading to bad people flow.
– There are portions of the store that are just devoted to playing promotional movies, rather than pushing product. I am not joking when I say the Apple Store in Soho has more product on the shelves than this store does.
– Most of all, the store lacks personality. Whether you love or hate Pokemon, when you went into the Pokemon Center, the store had energy laying somewhere between cute and obsessive. It was always fun to go in there and giggle, if nothing else. The Nintendo store is without any sort of feeling, just existing and nothing more. It does not feel like there’s anything related to fun or gaming occurring here. Toys R Us in Times Square is more fun, and the Toys R Us gaming section *blows*.

On the up shot, it was nice to see Herbie and John, so it wasn’t a wasted day. But steer clear of the Nintendo Store – there’s no spectacle, no enthusiasm, no feeling.

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Best Of Created Endured

L’appel Telephonique Sauvage

L'appel Telephonique Sauvage
A One Act Play
Based On True Events
By Dan Dickinson
CURTAIN UP:
INT. DAN DICKINSON'S APARTMENT.
DAN DICKINSON sits at his desk.  His computer is 
playing "Narcolepsy" by Ben Folds.  His wife, 
KATIE DICKINSON, is sitting on the couch typing 
into her laptop.
THE PHONE RINGS.

DAN DICKINSON
Hmm, wonder who that could be.

DAN mutes his music and walks over to the phone, 
picking it up in his right hand.

DAN DICKINSON
Hello?

There is a SHORT PAUSE, followed by a click.

MALE VOICE ON PHONE
(background noise indicates some sort of call center)
Hello?

DAN is visibly irritated, knowing this is a cold call.

DAN DICKINSON
(irritated) Yes?


MALE VOICE ON PHONE
Dan?


DAN DICKINSON
(somewhat surprised they used just a nickname) Yes?


MALE VOICE ON PHONE
(jovial) How's it going?  This is Pam from Girls' Gone 
Wild...


DAN DICKINSON
*(V.O., representing internal monologue)*
What the FUCK?


MALE VOICE NAMED PAM
(still jovial) We're conducting a short phone survey 
and...


DAN DICKINSON
(strongly) Could you PLEASE put me on 
your "Do Not Call" list?

DAN hangs up the phone, then stares at it, baffled.
CURTAIN FALLS.
END.

I wish I had the wit, comedic timing, and tape recorder of Eugene Mirman – I can only imagine how much unbridled hilarity could have been in store.

(If you liked this one, be sure to read my other life-is-surreal play, The Market Of Boston.)

Categories
Endured

24: The Most Ludicrous 60 Minutes On Television

**IF YOU’RE READING THIS AND YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THESE WEEK’S EPISODE OF 24, SKIP IT UNLESS YOU WANT SPOILERS**

So I just got finished watching what I was promised to be the MOST SHOCKING EPISODE OF 24 EVER. Let’s disregard the fact that it was easy enough to call the SHOCKING TWIST three episodes ago. I’d rather focus on what is now the chain of terrorist events for the entire season.

– The season started with them knocking over a train and killing a guy to get a suitcase with the McGuffin. God forbid they just kill the ONE GUY, let’s knock over the whole fucking train.
– The terrorists then kidnap the Secretary of Defense and his daughter. With a god damn ROCKET LAUNCHER.
– The kidnapping is justified as a trial and potential execution of the Secretary Of Defense.
– The execution a front to do a webcast that’ll generate a lot of internet traffic. HOW EVIL.
– They need the internet traffic so that they can somehow break through the firewalls of nuclear reactors worldwide. Because EVERY FUCKING NUCLEAR REACTOR IN THE US IS HOOKED UP TO THE INTERNET SOMEHOW.
– They then use the McGuffin to start the reactors melting down.
– CTU manages to stop the meltdown for most of the reactors, but this is irrelevant because the meltdowns were merely an excuse to keep the president in the air, I guess.
– They use the new mystery character to steal a GOD DAMN STEALTH BOMBER. This is apparently EASY AS SHIT.
– If you can’t figure out by now where the show is telegraphing the shocking twist to be – given the languid shots of Air Force One in the air, and the GOD DAMN STEALTH BOMBER in the air – I don’t know what to tell you. Other than that he FIRES A FUCKING MISSILE AT AIR FORCE ONE and it apparently HITS AN ESCORT PLANE AND DAMAGES AIR FORCE ONE.

You would think that would be it, wouldn’t you? After at least four separate terrorist actions (train derailing, kidnapping and planned televised execution of government official, nuclear reactor meltdown, hijacking a GOD DAMN STEALTH BOMBER to shoot down Air Force One), at least one of these goals would have satisfied the terrorists, right?

WRONG. Watch the preview for next week! They just wanted the GOD DAMN NUCLEAR FOOTBALL. Probably so they can launch nukes. As a diversion! So they send a Terminator into the past so they can kill Jack Bauer’s mother!

If this main plot thread wasn’t bad enough, look at all the other ridiculous plot points that we’ve gone through in sixteen episodes:

– Jack hijacks a convenience store, for absolutely no good reason!
– Erin Driscol’s CARAAAAAAAAAZY DAUGHTER who kills herself for no discernible reason – except maybe to protest the inept staff at CTU who let her get away with it!
– McGuffin Industries detonates an EMP! No one prosecutes!
– Chloe gets fired despite being right about what she got fired for, and later rehired, for no good reason other than that everyone keeps getting fired.
– Edgar’s mom dies because it’s CONVENIENT TO MAKE THE GUY SAVING THE REACTORS HAVE AN EMOTIONAL CRISIS.
– Aisha Taylor is THE MOLE. Because for some reason, every year CTU gets compromised by someone who’s working for the enemy.
– Behrooz’s girlfriend gets whacked.
– Hell, the entire TerrorFamily thread ended up being SO WORTHLESS. They all died. They all did very little other than scream at each other.
– A team of mercenaries is sent in to take out Jack, Paul, and two FINE UPSTANDING MINORITIES. Team Bauer wins!
– They torture Heller’s son. This turns out to be worthless. AWESOME.
– Jack and Tony track down the evil guy about to get on the helicopter when…HE’S SHOT BY A SNIPER. I think there’s one sniper that follows every evil character around and waits for the moment they get captured so they can take the standard 24 bullet-to-the-head.

Hey, maybe Fox can cancel [the best show on television](http://www.fox.com/arresteddev/) and hit a magnificent double – ruining two shows in one season!