L'appel Telephonique Sauvage A One Act Play Based On True Events By Dan Dickinson CURTAIN UP: INT. DAN DICKINSON'S APARTMENT. DAN DICKINSON sits at his desk. His computer is playing "Narcolepsy" by Ben Folds. His wife, KATIE DICKINSON, is sitting on the couch typing into her laptop. THE PHONE RINGS.
DAN DICKINSON Hmm, wonder who that could be.DAN mutes his music and walks over to the phone, picking it up in his right hand. DAN DICKINSON Hello?There is a SHORT PAUSE, followed by a click. MALE VOICE ON PHONE (background noise indicates some sort of call center) Hello?DAN is visibly irritated, knowing this is a cold call. DAN DICKINSON (irritated) Yes? MALE VOICE ON PHONE Dan? DAN DICKINSON (somewhat surprised they used just a nickname) Yes? MALE VOICE ON PHONE (jovial) How's it going? This is Pam from Girls' Gone Wild... DAN DICKINSON *(V.O., representing internal monologue)* What the FUCK? MALE VOICE NAMED PAM (still jovial) We're conducting a short phone survey and... DAN DICKINSON (strongly) Could you PLEASE put me on your "Do Not Call" list?DAN hangs up the phone, then stares at it, baffled. CURTAIN FALLS. END.
I wish I had the wit, comedic timing, and tape recorder of Eugene Mirman – I can only imagine how much unbridled hilarity could have been in store.
(If you liked this one, be sure to read my other life-is-surreal play, The Market Of Boston.)