Author: Dan Dickinson

Categories
Debated Disliked

Tear It Up

Back in April of 2003, I wrote a post [discussing my disdain](https://vjarmy.com/archives/2003/04/if_i_read_any_more_fanfiction_i_will_be_driven_to_murder.php) for fanfiction – particularly that of the DDR variety. I think most of the links in the post are dead, but the point remains the same: fanfiction for video games, particular video games without a plot, is a crime against humanity.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m passionate about games. Twenty years of gaming gets you a lot of addictions and obsessions. I’ve played some games long enough to temporarily ruin my vision, taken mutli-hour car trips with people I barely know to play games in arcades, and written way more PHP to handle game accounting than anyone should have to in the course of their life.

But there’s a line for me. Somewhere past cosplaying at conventions is a breed of gamer who takes things way, way, way too far.

Today, Aaron Ramsey discovered – quite accidently – the [Beatmania IIDX Platinum Livejournal community](http://www.livejournal.com/community/iidx_platinum/). I should, in all fairness, know by now not to click links titled “SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL THIS IS ABOUT”.

If there’s any game I’m obsessed with, it’s certainly Beatmania IIDX; anyone who’s been reading here for longer than a month has been subjected to the regular tangent about it. I am not going to go into details to describe the percentage of my gaming attention this game occupies. That said, this community scares the living shit out of me.

IIDX_Platinum is a role-playing group. This means each and every person in the community plays the role of one of the IIDX “characters”. Let’s stop right here, for the benefit of those people that don’t play: The characters in IIDX are largely relegated to screens that show your scores. They only occasionally appear in videos. They have very minor back-story associated with them, which is then obsessively filled in by people who think it’s worth filling in.

To base an entire perpetual role playing game off of characters that don’t have any characterization is…to make the obvious joke, *just disturbed, guys*. This is even acknowledged in the [group rules](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=iidx_platinum):

> I’ve done all the research I could do and there isn’t a website that describes all the character’s personality.

There are other sections in the rules that are equally troubling, like the full acknowledgement that there may be [yaoi](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaoi) and [yuri](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuri):

> Keep an open mind. *This community/rp group is run by yaoi fans… and we do allow yaoi, yuri, and het in this RP. Anything lemony, please warn us in advance.*

Some people may find this hard to believe, but Beatmania IIDX is a fun game even if you *don’t* pretend the characters on the results screens are having homosexual relations with each other. I personally don’t think it adds anything to the gaming experience – but maybe that’s just me.

I don’t mean to go on a complete snark binge here, so let me get to the heart of the matter, which is based largely in this line in the group description:

> Forgive us for being uncreative (or maybe being lazy) at the time, but this role-play has no set definite plot or anything like that. I mean, our boys and girls are DJ’s. Still, that’s not to say that it’s all they ever do. They are human after all, and go through the same things that we all do. Happy times, fun times, depression, frustration, anger, emo, angst, etc.

If these characters truly “go through the same things that we all do”, what’s the motivation here to write about someone else’s (fictional) life ? Why would you want to *pretend* to have issues, especially those that aren’t your own? Is there really an emotional rush for *pretending* to be in love with someone else who doesn’t exist? Since all of these love stories seem to end in heartbreak, why would anyone want to pretend to go through that?

Don’t misread that as saying there isn’t something to be said for going through all of these things yourself; there’s a lot to be learned from falling into and out of love, from releasing your frustrations and having your friends be there for you in your darkest days. But you need to go through these life experiences as yourself, not as a fictional DJ (or any other character from one of the thousands of roleplaying groups online).

In total, it strikes me as rather tragic that there are so many people out there who are content to churn out pages upon pages of fictional [phone conversations](http://www.livejournal.com/community/iidx_platinum/57710.html#cutid1), [AIM chats](http://www.livejournal.com/community/iidx_platinum/63104.html#cutid1), and [trips with fictional friends](http://www.livejournal.com/community/iidx_platinum/64835.html#cutid2) rather than try doing any of these things as themselves.

Life is too short to spend it writing a story for someone else’s life.

Categories
Found

Well, Shit

You might not want to read this post while eating, and possibly not while you’re at work.

When it rains in NYC, it rarely fucks around – it’s either twelve hours of constant spitting, or a solid hour of ruin-your-clothes downpour. Last year around this time, a huge rainstorm knocked concrete out of an overpass, nearly killing a guy driving under it.

Yesterday, we had another substantial rainstorm. While I didn’t hear about any particular parts of the city crumbling under the wetness, there apparently were bigger problems: now we’ve got something in the water.

I realize for people outside of NYC, the thought of our municipal tap water is, well, troubling. The truth is, it’s actually quite good – a lot of money has gone into filtering and whatnot. The very famous bottled water episode of Bullshit had Penn & Teller’s crew going around Times Square with two bottles of water, one tap and one retail – the tap won out by a substantial margin. For all intents and purposes, it’s always been surprisingly good, and I’ve never had a problem drinking it prior to today.

But now, we have thrilling declarations like this from the Department of Health and Mental Hygine:

Following recent heavy rainstorms, higher than normal levels of particles have been detected in the City’s drinking water supply, which can interfere with the water chlorination process.

Particles. Oh sure, particles, those are normal…right? Wait – particles? Of what? Let’s read on:

These high levels were observed at approximately 2am today at the Hillview reservoir just north of New York City. While the affected water was diverted shortly thereafter, out of an abundance of caution, DOHMH is recommending that infants, the elderly, pregnant women and New Yorkers with conditions that compromise their immune systems– those with HIV/AIDS, especially those with CD4 counts less than 200; those with leukemia; and those who are post bone marrow transplantation – use either boiled or bottled water as a precaution for the next 24 hours (until noon Friday).

Okay, so people with weak immune systems should avoid the water for all of 24 hours. So far so good…

The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene has requested that doctors increase testing for parasitic illnesses and immediately report these diseases as well as any increase in gastrointestinal symptoms, especially diarrheal illness.

This is where it starts getting unpleasant. The doctors are looking out for diarrhea and/or gastrointestinal problems. I wonder what could cause those problems in people with weak immune systems…oh wait, here’s a helpful list of things to avoid!

General precautions for people with weakened immune systems to prevent diarrheal illness
– Avoid sexual practices that may result in exposure to feces.
– Avoid drinking or accidentally swallowing water from lakes, rivers, ponds, streams, pools or waterparks.
– Avoid contact with feces of all animals, particularly young farm animals such as calves.
– Always wash hands thoroughly after any contact with animals; after any contact with soil (e.g., gardening); after changing diapers, or caring for someone with diarrhea; before eating, or preparing food.

They say you learn something new every day, so here’s your lesson for today: apparently anal sex increase your risk for diarrhea. One would hope that if you were going to do something like that with someone, and they were having diarrhea-like symptoms, they would inform you before you even went down that road. That’s not the sort of surprise you want to spring on someone mid-act.

Now that we’re all past that lovely mental image, let’s piece this together: The health departments have alerted doctors to look for diarrheal symptoms, especially in people with weak immune systems. The main recommendation if you want to avoid diarrheal symptoms is to stay away from fecal matter.

One might just conclude that if they’re worried about people contracting said symptoms from said water, that said particles might just be fecal in nature.

I’m not going to lose any sleep over this, though, because even if there is fecal matter in the water supply for the next twelve hours, it doesn’t come nearly as close to the level of bullshit per liter as this water.

Categories
Enjoyed

The Very Best Of: Stick Figures In Peril

What a Croc

What a Croc, originally posted by courtneyp

There’s a Flickr group that, more than any other, cracks me horribly – Stick Figures In Peril. Taking the best examples from around the world of innocent stick figures ravaged by the dangers of society, SFIP is the most fun you’re legally allowed to have with stick figures.
Besides courtneyp’s excellent photo above (repeat: it’s not mine), here are some other worthwhile shots from the pool:

Travel John
Moving Gate Can Cause Serious Injury Or Death
Stick Figures – concussion
Setting fire to your legs is generally a bad idea
Watch Your Head
Caution: Low Flying Dogs
Modern Dance
Never Leave Baby Unattended