I’m an avid gamer. At least, I like to think I am. I have a PS2 and a Gamecube. I keep up with the news pretty regularly – even the non-Bemani stuff, believe it or not.
On a daily basis, I like to check The Magic Box to hear what’s new coming out of Japan. It’s a great site, even on days like this that depress me to shit.
Who to start with? Okay, the obvious one. Tecmo.
Tecmo mentioned that they are planning to develop a sequel to Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball for Xbox.
Have you played DOAXBV? No? Consider yourself lucky. Quite possibly the most overhyped game I’ve ever had the displeasure of playing, DOAXBV is a subpar volleyball game smothered in eye candy. That is, if you like girls that don’t actually exist. Sure, I know nerds pop boners over virtual girls quicker than Peter Cohen goes through Hot Pockets, but the problem here is that the game is TERRIBLE.
I am completely not joking when I say the game can be played with one hand. I’ve played with one hand, and while not paying attention, while using the other hand to gesture in a conversation I was having with the owner of Play!, which is where I happened to be playing. I would’ve rather have gone and spent the $1 for the controller rental on using the Virtual Boy. At least THEN I’d have a migraine, which is preferable to playing DOAXBV to excess.
Okay, but Tecmo’s always been dumb. What about Sega? Well, if you’ve been following along lately, Sega’s been spiraling downward for ages. As I’ve been affectionately calling the “Sega Pissing On Their Own Grave” news item of the day:
Here are some new images of Sega’s PlayStation 2 action game Altered Beast, a new sequel to the classic 16-bit action game. You play as a special military operative, to investigate a deadly genetic outbreak in town. In order to battle the deadly monsters, you chosed to become one of them and use that dark power to transform yourself into different kinds of powerful beasts.
You remember Altered Beast?
This is not Altered Beast:
I know survival horror is all the rage these days, but of all the franchises to turn into that, why do you take the one that all gamers already have a dead set representation of in their head? What next, rebranding Crackdown as a kid’s game?
Note to Sega: If you dare touch Crackdown, I will kill you all.
Okay, finally, Capcom, who normally has its head on straight – except, it seems, when it comes to fighters. Even after the Code Holder debacle, we get this:
Dorimaga reported that Capcom is planning to develop a sequel to Street Fighter 2, to celebrate the 15th anniversary of the Street Fighter series. Capcom mentioned about the sequel to Street Fighter 2 instead of Street Fighter 3, because they would like to use the more realistic graphics as in SF2, instead of the more cartoony graphics in SF3. Also the story is going to take place between SF2 and SF3.
Come on, I loved Street Fighter 2 and all when I was in my early teens, but REALISTIC GRAPHICS?
And how do you have a sequel for a game that already has a sequel? And, no offense to fighting game fans, but who gives a shit about the story? The story for SF2 was “There’s a world tournament. Go beat everyone up.” – and there were individual little grudges everyone had, but they were pointless.
Is it too hard for people to come up with some announcements that DON’T make me want to throw up?