Ari Fleischer, Comedic Genius

So we were just debating the Haliburton thing – which Jon Stewart described as “I feel like the government just took a shit on my chest.” – briefly on 8bop, and I went digging for some information, and pulled up a press conference transcript from Tuesday. Here’s the relevant quote:
Q: Ari, yesterday the U.S. decided to grant one of Haliburton’s subsidiaries the contract to put out the oil well fires. And I’m wondering, given that you’ve known that for months and months in advance that there could be the possibility of oil well fires, why was there not a bid put out to bid on contracts, and was this given without any bidding?
MR. FLEISCHER: I think you need to address any questions about contracts and bids to the agencies that award the contracts and bids.
Q: Is the White House at all worried about the perception, at least even if there is no conflict of interest, but the perception of a conflict of interest, given the Vice President —
MR. FLEISCHER: I think the question that people want answered is, do we have a plan in place to put out the oil fires, and is it a good plan to put out the oil fires.
Q: So just awarding it to one company, without–
MR. FLEISCHER: Again, I’m not familiar with the exact contracting and grants. And so I think — I don’t know if the premise of your question is accurate. You need to talk to the granting authorities, not the White House.
Someone get this guy a sitcom, or a talk show, or something. Logic like “I don’t know how this works, so you must be wrong” is the sort of stuff that a wacky sidekick on a new crappy fall NBC sitcom should be saying.