Rory found this product page at VisionTek for their new ATI Radeon 9500 board, which makes me wonder if people have learned anything over the past few years about marketing. The text reads as follows:
Freak’n KICK ASS performance
Xtasy 9500 Pro, powered by ATI’s RADEON(tm) 9500 PRO VPU with 128MB DDR memory WILL BLOW YOU… AWAY! ATI’s TRUFORM(tm) technology makes heaving orbs more ample and well-endowed… while HYPER Z(tm) II saves bandwidth for mo’ righteous performance in your more demanding sit-e’ations… ATI’s SMOOTHVISION, anti-aliasing, KICKS THE CRAP out of ‘visual distortion,’ and sends that BI-A-TCH crying home to mama! That means better, smoother looking images. HI-RES 32-bit, 3D gaming up to 2048×1536 means that when ‘intense applications’ leaves his house… THE 9500 SLAPS THAT PIG DOWN, SAYS “GIMME MY’ MONEY BI-A-TCH!”
BITCH’N Visual Effects
SMARTSHADER(tm) 2.0 provides FREAK’N AWESOME lighting effects. The 9500 PRO supports DirectX�� 9.0 and OpenGL�� ATI’s CHARISMA ENGINE(tm) II fronts ‘Transformation and Lighting’ (T&L) at 62.5 million triangles per second… “62.5M per second?” YOU BET YO’ ASS 62.5M PER SECOND! PIXEL TAPESTRY(tm) II, 3D rendering engine, powers an AWESOME 2.4 gigatexels/second for fill ratesat 32-bit HI-RES.
Ever have TWO MONITORS at one time?
Throw in DVD support and you have yourself a threesome. ATI’s HYDRAVISION(tm) supports ol’ school CRT monitors, digital flat panels and TVs while VIDEO IMMERSION(tm) II enables integration of unbelievable digital video stuff, including advanced de-interlacing for FREAK’N SICK video quality. You just connect to a digital flat panel anddig crisper images and ease eyestrain directly.
Reminds me a bit too much of Daikatana’s “John Romero Wants To Make You His Bitch” ad campaign.
Categories