Month: October 2004

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Best Of Puzzled Over

On The Existence Of Bagels

Since moving to NYC, one of the minor changes I’ve gone through is the change in bagel preference. Living in Ithaca, one gets very used to the Upstate-style bagel; thick, heavy, doughy, fairly chewy. New York City bagels, of course, are thinner, wider, lighter, and a little less doughy. Everyone sells bagels, and they are cheap and filling.

When we place a Fresh Direct order for groceries, we always tend to order a six-pack of bagels and some cream cheese, for the occasional time I want to eat breakfast. The ones that are delivered meet all of the above criteria for a NYC bagel, and also keep very well in the freezer. Strangely, though, it is impossible for me to prepare myself one without having a minor aneurism.

Why this intense pain in the head? On the packaging, the slogan and product name meld together one of the most mind-boggling sentences in human history since “If it weren’t for my horse, I never would have spent that extra year on college.”

The pitch reads:

BAGELS AREN’T BAGELS UNLESS THEY’RE JUST BAGELS.

Just Bagels, of course, is the name of the product. Still, even knowing this, I am forced to read this as: Instances of object X aren’t instance of object X unless they’re simply instances of object X.

Is this a blow against fancy things, maybe? Are they implying that were a bagel all spruced up with fancy seeds and flavorings, that it would stop being a bagel and turn into some other sort of bread foodstuff, such as a bialy? But they sell six varieties, including Just Bagels Everything. Surely that’s not just a bagel, as the combination of poppy and sesame and onion and garlic disqualifies one from saying it’s just a bagel.

Perhaps they’re speaking to the moral sense of the bagels – a sort of superhero bagel, upholding the standards and beliefs of our fair city. I would find this hard to believe, as they do not seem to have any superpowers to resist my desire to eat them, nor do I gain the ability to fly by eating them.

(At this point in the entry, I’m looking at the dictionary definitions for just in hopes of deciphering further. I would appreciate it if someone called for professional help.)

How about “by a narrow margin, barely”? That doesn’t speak well to the product, though, if it only squeaks by the qualification charts for what constitutes a bagel. Ignoring the disqualification of bagels conforming better to the specification, this throws us into even more mental anguish as we are judging the conformance of a bagel on whether or not it conforms to the state of the bagel.

One final possibility is that they are using “just” as a variant on joust. Perhaps these bagels ride into battle and try to knock each other over when…

…

Needless to say, this is why I often just go out to eat.

Categories
Uncategorized

Hanging Ourselves From The Straps

I was digging through my archives today when I ran across some entries from July of last year, slightly before we were even considering moving here. We were in town for the last Macworld Expo held at the Javits, and it was the trip during which we learned how to use the subway. Sure, we were merely going all of two or three stops on the same line every time, but hey, it was huge progress over when we were taxi-stricken.
A year and change later, and the subway is so firmly entrenched in my life that I feel strangely out of place riding in cars. I spent nine months nailing a very specific route down – which car to get on in the morning so I’d get off at Times Square right by the stairs, which path down to the 7 line to take for maximum efficiency, which stairwell would put me in front of which car so I’d be in front of which gate at the 23rd St. stop to minimize the commute – it was very specific, and very nerdy.
Now with the Cornell Medical School job, it’s slightly depressing that I now spend less time on the subway every morning than I do walking to and from it. I’m still finding tricks and shortcuts, and getting frustrated when others can’t pick up on them as well. (Example: 68th & Lexington. If you see a train has just let off and one side of the turnstiles are flooded with people exiting, go to the other side to swipe through. Don’t try to play chicken in the turnstiles.)
I’ll admit, I am a little sentimental about the subway. It’s one of the few unifying experiences for 99% of the city. Regardless of where you work or live, which lines you frequent or what times you ride, we all share the pain and occasional joy.
We grow dependent on the familiarities of the subway to keep our bearings after long days – in a constantly moving city, it relentlessly stays the same. The same conductors, ranging from overly enthusiastic to drunkenly incomprehensible; the same half-talented buskers, who either slaughter our favorites or; the same bums who insist they’ve been off drugs for the past n months and if we don’t have change, a smile will do. Ads for events of months prior and Dr. Z and his AMAZING NEW FRUIT ACID PEELS!; scratchiti on the windows that invokes deja vu; the unintentionally hilarious spanish injury lawyer ads with the phone number 1-800-MARGARITA. The teeth grinding when there’s a long delay in train movement; the little cheer of joy when we hear the train we’re on is going express and it would not cause us to miss our stop; the grumbling rush for the door when it would.
The emotional outpouring tonight is caused by the frightening regularity of news stories detailing possible back-to-back fare hikes and service cuts over the next two years by the MTA. We’re looking at a 20% increase in monthly Metrocard fares – after an 11% increase last year. 164 token booths would close, cleaning schedules would be slashed, bus service would be reduced. And most amazing of all? Even after rates go up and service decreases, it would have to happen again in 2006, by even more.
When I was living upstate, I felt that our area was economically deprived by the state in favor of the city – all the school districts had to constantly raise property taxes to balance out budget cuts from Albany. Now living in the city, I see that one portion of the state isn’t being favored over the other – it’s that neither are getting what they need. This is from a state government that year after year fails to get a budget passed in a timely manner.
As I currently pay federal, state, and city level income taxes, is it that unreasonable to expect some of that money to go towards the one municipal system I actually use?

Categories
Enjoyed

On Ricky Gervais, A-List Bloggers, and Crazy Microphone Woman

At 5:15 tonight, I found myself standing outside the Museum of Television and Radio waiting for three people.

One was my lovely wife, Katie.

One was Jen Chung, editor and co-founder of Gothamist.

One was Adam Kuban, author and founder of Slice, the only pizza blog I will ever read.

This seemingly random meeting was spawned by somewhat random chances. Originally, Katie had asked that I pick up two extra tickets for coworkers of hers that wanted to go, and of course could not make it. After trying in vain to find someone at work who watches the Office, I noticed a post from Jen about the event at the MTR. I took a shot in the dark, and somehow it worked out. Adam came along for the ride.

Order of arrival was Adam, Jen, and Katie. Adam and Jen offered to go hold seats for us, which was quite noble and kind. The screening was quite packed by 6:20 (the main auditorium, plus three closed circuit rooms, were sold out), and it’s definitely a different experience watching The Office in a room full of people. The uncomfortable scenes get less uncomfortable, and it’s easier to laugh at things. This is not a bad thing.
After the screening, Ricky sat down for the Q&A, which mostly went off without a hitch. My recap follows, although it should be noted that if you haven’t seen the special yet, there may be some mild spoilers. Alternately, Adam was sneaky enough to record the thing on his camera, and while it’s a bit muffled in some portions, you can grab the MP3 from me (64kbps VBR, 33:04, 8.1 MB) and certainly make out some parts I didn’t transcribe. I’m sure Jen will have her recap up soon as well. Jen has her write-up and a picture posted.

Regarding The Creative Process

Each entire season was written in one block, and re-edited to add seeds to ideas they came up with later, before they shot anything. Casting lasted a year, and the fact that the show seems so real (and not scripted) is a testament to the actors in the program.

Lots of gags were thrown out over the years due to a desire to maintain realism. In terms of a moral balance, Ricky feels that the bad outweighs the good, but as anyone who sees the Special can attest to, he who laughs last does indeed laugh the longest.

One of the hardest points, apparently, was that they had to be “hyper-real”, and couldn’t cheat on some things like regular documentaries do.
The Slough Tourism Board apparently tried to convince the BBC that “Slough has really changed a lot” before the second season started taping; Ricky and Stephen refused to bend the script at all, unsurprisingly.

Regarding Other Characters On The Office

Gareth was originally going to be a large, beefy military type, and Tim was originally going to be a large, Norm-from-Cheers style character. Both characters were somewhat rewritten when Mackenzie and Martin (respectively) came in for the parts.

The only character that Ricky did not write – and it ended up being his favorite – was that of Keith. Ewan apparently ad libbed the deadpan delivery and they just ended up writing more and more for him.

Gareth’s haircut was given to him entirely to make him look like a prat. Mackenzie, unfortunately, got married a little too close to the end of filming the second season, and was married with that haircut. Poor guy.

The character of Carol (seen only in the special) had to be worked on a lot, because in the words of Stephen Merchant, “Who would go out with a fat git like you, Gervais?” In terms of the morning after, Ricky could only guess that she called and said “Sorry, I was on drugs.”

Regarding The US Version Of The Office

Ricky confessed to not being terribly involved in the US version. This is due to part of what his original plan for The Office was – he wanted people to be able to go “That’s my office!” in the UK. Since he hasn’t worked in an office in the US, he admits he doesn’t know what he would need to input to make that happen here.

He said the pilot is quite good, and it’s a very close remake to the UK version – but is quickly diverging into their own story lines. He says the US version is for the 249,000,000 people who *didn’t* see the original version and would be viewing it “without prejudice”.

Ricky is glad that they did not name the boss David Brent, but he did not specifically ask for them to change it. It would have been too confusing, apparently.

And the answer to the question we were all wondering: The US equivilent of Slough is Scranton, PA. So completely spot on…

Regarding His Next Project

The next Merchant/Gervais project is known as Extra. The main character – and I’m not clear on whether or not it would be played by Gervais – is an extra who thinks he should be a leading actor. He is very unlike David Brent – very self-aware and angry, like a “dissatisfied Socrates”. A misanthrope who cna’t keep his mouth shut, he is apparently angry that De Niro is getting all his parts.

It won’t be a documentary-style ala The Office, but it will still be a very natural sort of comedy. Stephen Merchant is the only person from the Office team that will be coming along to Extra; it is currently planned through two six-episode seasons, and may stretch to three, but definitely not four.

Regarding His Influences

Laurel and Hardy was referenced a lot, and Ricky says all his influences have a lot of heart behind their comedy. “Heart first, comedy second” is a sort of personal motto, and I think it shows in his work.

Gervais also claims to be able to cry at both The Waltons and The Simpsons (which he called “the greatest comedy on TV”). He adds, “Maybe I’m a bit of a sissy.”

He truly enjoys working on television shows, and being part of the common conciousness. Being talked about the next day, or “making a date” to watch a show is a big deal for him.

Regarding The Longevity Of The Office

Season 2 was never meant to be the final end of the season – a special was always planned. However, the special is explicitly the end; it was always planned to be somewhat cinematic and “an event”.

Regarding Side Projects

Ricky still hasn’t watched himself on Alias yet, as he cannot fathom seeing himself “being cool”. He adds that in the scene where Victor Garber strangles him to death and then tells Sydney to get the defibrillator, he cracked up at least five seperate times at the word “defibrillator”, until Garber actually threatened to kill him if he blew another scene.

There are no plans to release a David Brent full length album, but he did enjoy writing the songs. He also revealed that a full band version of Free Love On The Free Love Freeway will be on the Office Special DVD, coming out this November in the US.

He also had a fantastic idea for a new reality TV show: You would gather all the “D-list” celebrities that have come to be through reality TV shows, you put them all in a house together for 10 weeks, and then when they come out, you tell them that you didn’t tape any of it.

Regarding People Who Confuse Him For David Brent

“People who think I’m the real David Brent are the same people who send wreaths to soap stars that die.”

So that was about it. I’d like to thank the MTR for being hospitible as always; to Jen and Adam – both complete sweethearts, two people I hope that I can get to know better – for making the evening even better; and to Ricky for being a good sport, even without giving autographs. And no thanks to the Crazy Microphone Woman, who screeched at one person to WAIT FOR THE MICROPHONE, even though he was perfectly audible to the entire audience.