Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Going in I figured I'd see an over-the-hill Indy doing Indy things in the familiar Indy ways. Needless to say I was surprised to learn that I had actually stumbled upon the new X-Files movie two months early! I know Indiana Jones has always had that mystical element to it, but throwing us UFOs and aliens pretty much from the get-go, that was too much. Now I could go into what was good about it, but there wasn't that much. Anything that was good you can see by re-watching the previous three. So let's get into the bad.
1 - Stop throwing the hot young flavor of the week into action films like this. I have nothing against Shia LaBeouf, and I loved him in Transformers, but he does not belong here. Indy with his female side-kick is ok, and I'm even willing to grant you Shortee and Bond, but stop throwing in these young hot stars (I'm talking to you Die Hard).
2 - If you are looking for a magnetized case in a gigantic warehouse (one that is probably a half mile across), throwing gunpowder into the air is not going to work. That was the biggest stretch of the whole film. And if somehow the gunpowder trick works, then the object has to be so magnetized that you would not be able to go near it with any sort of metal. My physics may be a bit rusty, but I'm pretty sure most electromagnetic forces aren't that strong from that far away.
3 - Surviving a nuclear explosion at ground zero in a fridge? Sure... That one will work. On top of that having the fridge blown two miles clear of the site, with Indy inside (and unharmed), without it popping open, and then having Indy just hop right out when it lands? Come on.
Now, I'm willing to suspend disbelief for a great many things in action films, but there is a limit (on the number of these events and the magnitude of each of them. And Crystal Skull exceeds both those limits. Oh and could anyone have taken the film seriously at all after hearing the title? That's worse than when I heard Episode II was going to be called "Attack of the Clones!" Which gets me to what is probably the main issue with this movie. Spielberg directed it (and Lucas wrote it). I remember the good old days when the Lucas Films logo made me tingle with anticipation. Now it just makes me shiver with disgust. Oh how the times have changed. And don't think you're fooling me Mr. Spielberg with those stupid monkeys and prairie dogs. You can't try to squeeze Ewoks into this movie!
And finally...
4 - Why does Indy even try? The bad guys always end up getting whatever they are all after, and it inevitably kills them all and takes itself with them, leaving Indy and his pals alive with nothing to show except for piles of dead Nazis (or Russians in this case). I say just let them have it, seriously.
RATING: No matter what I say people will see it, but don't say I didn't warn you. Stick to the old ones and forget this one was ever made.