Slowly Learning...

This seems to be the Summer of Triquels, and most all of them are or look to be terrible. That being said, I ventured out last night and caught the third Shrek movie (which I refuse to refer to by it's official title because it just annoys me when movie people try to get clever like that). I can honestly say that Shrek is the best of the lot of 3rd installments. However, that's not saying much seeing as how the others are just terrible.

This film is about what you'd expect. Lots of big names doing the voice acting. Many famous fairy tale characters in "real life" situations. A couple of wise cracking sidekicks. And of course, since this is the third movie, a pregnant wife. The problem here is that there is nothing new or unique to any of it. It's all extremely predictable. While there are funny moments, we've really seen it all before.

There is nothing new or exciting to spark any life into the series. It's like Mike Myers has his cash cow, and he keeps feeding us the same milk. At least in the second film there seemed to be a slight change to it, making it more of a paradise of anachronisms. Not here. It's all the same old things over and over. And surprisingly, Justin Timberlake doesn't save it!

The movie does look good, once again, but also once again, it's nothing new or spectacular. The animation is solid, but not stunning.

In the end, if you enjoyed the first two movies, and are just looking for more of the same, then this movie will deliver. But is that really worth the $8-$12 that it costs to see a movie in the theatre these days? I personally don't think so. It's just another case of what seems to happen all the time in movie and video games. The people in charge have found something that works, and rather than venture out into something new (and risk failure), they stick with what has gotten them there and milk it for all it's worth.

RATING: Worth a Cheap Ticket (cheaper than matinee), Maybe Worth a Netflix Rental?

Posted by Thom at 5:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

...The good news is you can't make any mistakes.

There are so many things that I want to write about and post about, but these last few weeks have been rough, and probably will continue to be until at least Friday, so it will have to wait. Once everything settles back down I will have plenty to write about. Hopefully that will be this weekend, but more probably it will be sometime early next week (I may need the weekend to decompress).

So until then.

Posted by Thom at 3:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I went into this film with the highest hopes. I mean Jack gave it a 5 in the local paper, and he's almost always wrong, so it must be good! Well, Jack was wrong. However, that's just because 5 is way too generous a rating for this film. I don't know if this is as bad a turn as X3 was, but it is close. So where do I begin...

Well for starters, they should never have left the writing credits to the Raimi brothers. I love them, but they aren't the fit for writers here. Everything was way over the top and extreme!, in the really bad way. I mean the new goblin is now riding a flying snowboard? Yeah... But it doesn't stop there. The Raimis seemed to throw every cliche possible into the film. They even have the recently rejuvenated Spiderman runs past a sickingly gigantic, patriotic American flag.

So poor writing, at least we'll have good acting to gloss over that, right? No chance. This was easily the worst acting I've seen since Episode II. I thought all along, Topher Grace (who I love in most everything he does) was the worst possible choice for Venom. The only way it even remotely works is because Toby is somehow a bigger dweeb than Topher. And let us talk about Toby. He had the stupidest grin on his face the entire movie. It was as if he was secretly laughing at all of us in the audience ("look at me, I'm making millions to film this piece of shit and I know all of you are gonna go see it!").

And speaking of the connection between Topher and Toby, why does the Venom symbiote give Topher fangs? I knew it made you stronger and all, but I never knew it also turned you into a Vampire. And only one person comments on Spiderman's new black suit? One?!? What? That's as unbelievable as no one knowing Clark Kent is Superman because he wears glasses!

Oh, and please stop unmasking yourselves every 2 seconds! You are super heroes, keep your identity hidden. Also, this would solve the problem of having to look at Toby grinning like a moron all film. But I guess it is true. Put on a black outfit and comb your hair in front of your face and you're emo. As soon as Peter Parker puts on the black suit he goes emo, complete with the emo hair. I swear I laughed so loud when I saw that that I got looks from the people around me.

Basically there is a line in films between serious and whimsical. This film doesn't blur that line. It more hops from one side to the other in a random zig-zag fashion that makes you nauseous. I mean Fantastic Four was a terrible movie too, but at least that one knew where it stood and stayed on that side of the line. You have to at least respect it for that. As for Spiderman 3, it falls prey to the curse of the third. Just like X3 and Batman 3, this movie can't even hold a candle to the first two. Now I'm just scared that like Batman they'll make a fourth that is even worse...

Quick Post-Notes:
- Sand cannot cry and/or fly of it's own will. Therefore, Sandman should not be able to cry and/or fly.

- A pumpkin bomb that only scars Harry Osborne would not kill Venom and Eddie Brock.

- Always trust your butler for forensic advice. I mean who could possibly know better than him?

RATING: Worth a free ticket if you have 2.5 hours to kill? Maybe a dollar theatre ticket just so you can see for yourself how bad it is? Worth not putting on your Netflix queue (unless you have nothing else to watch, in which case I can recommend a great many other movies for you).

Posted by Thom at 7:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)