Slowly Learning...

So to say this movie was bad is an understatement. This movie blew. It may only be May, but I can honestly say that this is and will be the worst movie I've seen all year. And of course once again Ebert has decided to give this movie a good rating. At least this time he hasn't deemed the worst movie of the year the best (like Minority Report) and this time I have backup from fellow movie goers who also thought it sucked.

Now I don't quite know where to start with the problems. Should I start with the vampires that constantly come out in the middle of the day? Or the Rock'em Sock'em Robots version of Frankenstien's Monster? Or the fact that there's a full moon ever other day in Transilvania? Well there was all that. And then there was also the terrible (and I mean Episode II kind of terrible) writing. You can't really balme the actors for their bad performances with the script they were given to work with, but I still do. Hugh Jackman's style may fly in modern portrayals of characters like Wolverine, but it doesn't fly in a movie set in the 1800's. Also the work done by Richard Roxburgh, as Dracula, was far from his best. In fact it sucked. But then again you have to blame a lot of this on the writers. Boy did they suck. The movie was filled with stupid little comments that had absolutely no place in the movie. It was like watching Hellboy, but without the comic book background to excuse the lame lines.

So let's look at another major fault of the movie. One may think maybe the action would perk up the film, no. The CG was respectable, but the writing and inconsistancies kill that notion. So lets look at the worst one of all. Frankenstien's Monster swings along a rope form a bridge into a window, then the female lead takes the same rope and swings down, to the same bridge. Hmmm, not quite sure how that works. Also not quite sure how this bridge stays standing with no supports and the middle missing. Oh and my personal favorite: Van is riding on a stagecoach, wolfman jumps at them and scraps along the top of the coach...and it lights on fire...ummm, yeah. What? Exactly.

So I could go on and on about how this movie employs just about every overused cliche in the film industry (and it does) and how completely terrible the writing and story is (and it is really that bad) and how there is no saving grace to the film (and there really isn't), but I don't want to go on and on for too long here. If you want more details, or to try and debate the qualities of the film with me go ahead and IM me or email me, but I think I've said enough for now.

RATING: Burn any and all copies of this film that you come in contact with. You'll be doing a great service to humanity.