Slowly Learning...

So I went to see Kill Bill Vol. 2 tonight. Even though I knew they'd sell out I was too lazy to drag my ass up to the mall earlier, so I didn't make it in. This may stop normal people from reviewing a movie, but anyone who's been around me long enough probably realizes that I'm not normal. Therefore I've decided to review what I imagine (i.e. makeup) the movie to be. The added advantage of this method is that this review won't contain anything close to a spoiler (unless I'm psychic, which I'm pretty sure I'm not). So without further adu I give you my "review"...

First off, I loved the first movie. It was classic Tarantino in a classic old style TV action series. And with this installment (which is just a continuation of the story) he does not disappoint. The comedy and gore are still there, but the plot twist are what really get you hooked in. Now not to give too much away, but I just have to discuss the entire story here, so those of you who haven't seen the movie yet shouldn't read any further. I suggest just skipping to the end. First off "The Bride" makes her way to find Bud. Of course she finds him in the middle of the desert, cause where else would a guy in a cowboy hat live? Now maybe I was personally expecting too much out of this confrontation, due in large part to how awsome the other fights were, but this was rather anti-climatic in my mind. Uma pulls up in the PussyWagon (still a classic vehicle) and calls out to Bud. I was thinking Western Showdown at this point, but I guess Tarantino decided to go in a different direction. Insted he had Bud stumble out, completely shit faced, ranting and raving, shotgun in one hand, Jack in the other. He then smashes the bottle into the ground and shoots himself in the foot, blowing it clear off. As he stumbles around (on his only remaining foot) he manages to trip, fall, and set off the riffle, this time blowing his head off. So without lifting a finger Uma's already got one down. What does save the scene though is superb acting on the part of Michael Madsen. He really sells the whole drunken stupor (I've heard he did a lot of research for his part in the local pub). Add to this the camera work and you have the most beautiful death scene I've ever witnessed. At the end you actually follow the bullet as it travels through the barrel and into Madsen's jaw. Graphic, but glorious.

In a very weird twist that I did not see coming Uma ends up finding Bill next. You'd think he'd be last since he's the title character, but I guess Tarantino'a done too many out of order movies that he's finally lost it (see Pulp Fiction and Vol. 1). Anyway, Uma runs into Bill (played by David Carradine) as he is wandering the American West armed with only his skill in Kung Fu. They run into each other in a bar (I guess they did a lot of drinking on set) and get into a nasty game of musical chairs. After a dispute over who got the chair first gets out of hand, the two draw their weapons and clash, hardcore. Think Matrix (the good ones) meets Furi Kuri meets every Jean Claude VanDam movie ever made (they're all basically the same anyway) and you may begin to conprehend the greatness. It's amazing how it was all shot on a single tracking camera as well, forcing the actors to do it in a single take, and leaving us all amazed. Uma loses her right arm at the elbow, but manages to run Carradine through and give it a nice twist, with the usually bloody fanfair. All of this is in tune with the most perfectly orchestrated classical arean folk as well, which builds to a massive peak and cuts right out as Bill hits the floor.

There's a little interlude as we work up to the battle with Elle, which is there for comic relief in the dry wit style all Tarantino fans are familiar with. It's nice, but nothing too special. So let's get to Elle. In a change of scenery the two decide to duke it out in an old, woody building that they can smash up (wow, creative locations). This time they're both packing, and in an homage to the subway scene in the Matrix Uma and Elle gun it out as the run towards one another in impressively cinematic fashion. of course they both unload their clips without hitting each other and proceed to duke it out by hand. Here Tarantino brings out another great new camera angle in the "foot cam." Nothing gets you quite into the action like a camera sweeping out the arch of a roundhouse kick connecting with Elle's face, or a flying kick from Elle to Uma. Ultimately fighting the characters out of order proves to be Uma's downfall, as she is hindered by her missing apendage. Elle finally gets her down and finishes her off for good this time.

To wrap things up we also learn that Uma's daughter is (in a Southpark-esques twist) Elle. This comes as a shock not only to the audience (who let out a collective gasp at that point, followed by confused looks of "what the hell?") but also to Elle herself. All of this is revealed by the horriblly disfigured Sophie, who comes in to try and stop the fight, but is a minute too late, as is always the case. Elle, in an act of disbelief over what has just happened, falls to her knees and cried in the arms of Sophie (very touching scene, but a little too lovey dovey for me at this point).

Now I know it may seem difficult to wrap up what remains, but what Tarantino does seems like a bit of a punch-out ending to me, ad the building explodes, for no apparent reason. I guess he just ran out of the other trick cliche endings. Oh well, one bad ending doesn't ruin a movie.

RATING: Worth Hollywood Spending 45.2 Million to Make So We Can All Go Out and See It For a Full Priced Ticket and Then Buy Copies of 15 Different "Special Edition" DVD's