Slowly Learning...

So I think my haircut is messing with my head. Ever since I've gotten
the new cut I've been all weird, or at least weirder than normal. I've
been bouncing around, dancing around the kitchen (at least I think it
can be called dancing, I am a un-funky white boy after all), and I
actually wanted to go clothes shopping! I've just been an odd form of
giddy. I mean hell, I've been listening to Barenaked Ladies even!
Yeah, it's weird. I even started up a conversation with this cute girl
at work out of nowhere. Not a normal thing for me to do (I've never
really talked to her before), especially when it's someone who rarely
even looks at me. So I'm thinking the new haircut has done this to me.
In fact I have the solution to all of this. My old hair was weighing me
down. It was to the point that it was getting curly and unmanagable and
the side burns were like tickling my ears even, and my hat was snugly
tight around my head. But now, my hair is a hell of a lot shorter
(about an inch on top, shaved closer around the sides and back). So now
I'm free of the weighty hair and I've regained my magical zest for life
and being freaky. So let this be a lesson to all of you out there! If
you need a invigorating change to your life just cut your hair really
really short. Unless you're a girl, cause that just looks a little odd
with closely shaven heads. Although this would leave more women for
Dave. So maybe you should all do that. But in any case Close Cut =
Bazar Joyous Energy. Unless you're hair is already really close. In
that case you're just screwed. Sorry guys. I guess you'll just have to
grow out your hair so then you can cut it back to short. That should do
the trick. And I guess all you bald men out there are really out of
luck. Just rub your heads for luck, that'll fix it all.