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Month June 2007

Piyotama: Hands On

Sony, in what may be either a stroke of brilliance or a moment of blindness (or possibly both), allows Playstation 3 owners to create PSN accounts in any country they so desire. And by making these accounts, you can get into stores for other countries. Freebies like Mainichi Issuo are easily downloaded and marveled at from American shores.

Purchasing from foreign stores, though, requires a credit card in that country or a prepaid value card.

As luck would have it, I have a connection who was willing to buy me a few cards. After buying PS1 hits like Silent Bomber and the amazing Bishi Bashi Special, I was left with 800 yen – just enough to buy today’s new Japanese-only PSN release, Piyotama.

Of course, my XMB is now a mess with betas, PSN games, foreign PS1 games, and some random demos. But it’s worth it in the name of science. I love having weird, obscure shit on my console.

Anyhow, Piyotama.

Like most puzzle games, I can’t say Piyotama has much plot – and if it does, my inability to read Japanese isn’t helping my understanding of it. (The on-screen interface, thankfully, is in English.) But there seems to be some benevolent chicken named Mama, who sit on some sort of log and lays eggs that look like fruit – and your job is to get rid of them.

Gameplay wise, I can’t say I’ve really played another puzzle game exactly like it before. So you have a hexagon-ish grid with the round egg pieces, and the goal is to get 4 of the same color in a row. But rather than drop pieces (ala Columns) or rotate them (ala Hexic), you move them from side to side. Three pieces sit off the game field, which you can rotate the order of, and then you push it back in and pop the three on the opposite side off. I can only think to describe this movement as “threading”.

When you get four in a row (occasionally horizontally, mostly diagonally), the pieces highlight, but they don’t disappear immediately – you have a bit of time to keep threading back and forth and try and match more rows up, which leads to a bigger combo and thus more points. Eventually, all the matched pieces turn to eggs and hatch into fruit birds.

That’s right. Fruit birds. Adorable little buggers. The graphics in the game are certainly a delight – rich colors, well drawn backgrounds, and nice animation. The birds collect around the screen as you release them, and I’ve caught a few of them napping when I was having trouble making a chain.

There are also a couple of special pieces that allow you to clear all of one color at a time (which you can chain against multiple colors to clear the board), as well as a “heavy egg” that blocks you from moving that row. These up the challenge a bit. There’s also a slight degree of Sixaxis integration, allowing you to nudge the table to fill in gaps, as well as force matched eggs to hatch if you’re running out of time and space.

While the game is certainly easy to pick up and play, and it allows you to zone out and continue to do well (like so many other great puzzle games), Piyotama is missing that extra ounce of addiction that would make it crack-like, where I’d be begging to play just one more round.

Part of the problem: it’s a bit lacking in modes. You have “Limited”, which gives you a short time limit; “Endless”, with no time limit; and “2P Battle”, which is local play only multiplayer. And that’s it, really – unless you consider watching demo movies or checking the online rankings a mode.

It’s a shame the multiplayer is local only, because like many color-matching puzzle games, it has some promise. It’s neat to watch the birds fly back and forth as you match pieces.

At least the game does have Internet Ranking, I guess.

Ultimately, you’re left with a charming puzzle game with lots of personality, but lacking in modes. Ironically, this is the exact opposite of the recently released Go! Puzzle, which is mode-rich but without charm or an identity. I can only dream of the sort of offspring you could get by merging both games.

While I realize most people reading this aren’t going to have the ability to buy it, I can recommend it for people looking for a unique puzzler that doesn’t necessarily have a lot of replay value. Otherwise, you should probably look elsewhere.

Take Two’s Fifty Million Dollar Hat

Moneyhats. The phrase is frequently thrown around in gaming circles when it comes to exclusivity deals; the origin is a Penny Arcade strip from October of 2000:

These sorts of deals are becoming more and more commonplace, and this week has had a whopper of one: Take Two announced that the “episodic content” for GTAIV will be exclusive to the Xbox 360.

Never keep Occam’s Razor far from you. As GAF user sangreal discovered in a transcript of the recent Take Two earnings call, the simplest solution still is the most worthwhile one:

Evan Wilson – Pacific Crest Securities

Thank you. And as it relates to the deferred revenue chunk associated with the episodic content on X-Box 360, you can see that $25 million of that moved into short-term deferred. Could you give us any sense of when that’s going to hit the P&L? Will we see $25 million at one time and then the second 25 or will it be a slow bleed?

Lainie Goldstein – Chief Financial Officer, Take Two

The first 25 is for the first episodic content package that’s supposed to go out and that is in March of ’08. That’s why it moved into current because it’s in the next 12 months. The second 25 will be for the second episodic, the episode, and that will be later in fiscal ’08.

Repeat: These two exclusive content packs cost Microsoft a combined $50,000,000 to secure.

I am obviously in the wrong business.

Xbox Support: The Text Adventure

You enter your apartment.
Buttons the cat greets you with a warm purr.

> EXAMINE ANSWERING MACHINE

The answering machine is black, with silver trim. The phone rests in the cradle. The red LED displays a solid "1", indicating you have one message you have already heard.

> TURN ON XBOX 360

You boot your Xbox 360. You reach the dashboard.

> LOG IN TO XBOX LIVE WITH RECOVERY ACCOUNT

You attempt to sign on with your recovery account, but you receive a network error.

> LOG IN TO XBOX LIVE WITH RECOVERY ACCOUNT

You sign on with your recovery account.

> CHECK POINTS ON XBOX 360

Achievement points or Microsoft points?

> CHECK MICROSOFT POINTS ON XBOX 360

You have 0 Microsoft points.

> FUCKITY FUCK FUCK

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

> PRESS BUTTON ON ANSWERING MACHINE

Which button?

> PRESS PLAY BUTTON ON ANSWERING MACHINE

A message from someone who sounds like "Suzette" plays. Your request to be refunded your points has been either put in or is being processed.

Suzette says she'll give you a call back within 24 to 48 hours, or you can call her at the phone number she mentions and give the case number.

This message was left Monday afternoon.

> CHECK DAY OF WEEK ON CALENDAR

Today is Wednesday.

> CHECK WATCH

It is 8:30 PM.

> DO COMPLICATED TIME MATH

Through a series of difficult equations, you deduce that it has been over 48 hours since Suzette has called.

The stress of the math makes you realize that you have been awake for 16 hours straight. You should think about going to bed.

> PICK UP PHONE

You pick up the phone.

> TAKE NOTEPAD

You pick up the notepad.

> TAKE PEN

You pick up a pen.

> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE

You get part of the phone number written down before the message ends.

> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE

You get ten digits, but they may not be right.

> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE

You get all ten digits right and the first four of the case number.

You are tired. You should think about going to bed.

> TRANSCRIBE MESSAGE ON ANSWERING MACHINE

You now have all of the relevant information.

> CALL 1-800-469-9269 ON PHONE

You dial 1-800-4MY-XBOX.

> OH CHRIST IT'S A TRAP

General Akbar would be proud.

The Xbox tone plays. Max, the automated menu, answers the phone in a chipper voice. He begins: "Hey, thanks for calling Xbox Customer support."

> SAY "OPERATOR"

Max doesn't respond.

Max says "Your call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance. My name is Max, and I can help you find what you're looking for. Do you need help with: Xbox Console, Xbox Live, Xbox Games, or Accounts and Billing?"

> SAY "XBOX LIVE"

Max continues: "Which console are you calling about? The original Xbox, or the Xbox 360?"

You are very tired. You should go to bed.

> SAY "XBOX 360"

"Xbox 360, gotcha. Here's a tip. You can visit xbox.com/marketplace to get the latest information about downloads and other information about Xbox Live."

> SIGH

You sigh.

"So what are you trying to find out about?," Max continues.

> SAY "OPERATOR"

Max responds, "I'll see if I can find someone else who can help you out. The representative will be able to help you faster if you have your gamer tag ready."

You are extremely tired. Go to bed.

> WAIT

A female voice says "PLEASE WAIT!", followed by two tones.

> PREPARE TO ROCK OUT TO HOLD MUSIC

You get in a comfortable position to chair dance.

You are about to pass out from exhaustion.

An automated female voice answers the phone.

> QUIRK BROW

"Thank you for contacting Xbox. We are unable to answer your call at this time. Please try calling again later, or visit the Xbox web site at www.xbox.com. Thank you for calling. Goodbye."

The phone disconnects.

You pass out.

GAME OVER

Your final score is 0 out of 17,000 Microsoft Points.

RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT?

Are You McLovin?

Today, I was talking to Matty about Superbad. So sure, the original trailer is great, but the “red band trailer” (distinguished by the red MPAA screen) is fantastic, possibly even the stuff of legend.

But the YouTube link I had posted before has been pulled. Now, seemingly, the only way to get at it was through the official site’s age verification section.

An abridged list of things we’ve learned on the Internet in the last ten years:

  • CAPTCHAs don’t work.
  • Cats are simultaneously hilarious and adorable.
  • Anti-spam methods don’t work.
  • Talking like an idiot never goes out of style.
  • Age verification methods don’t work.

I’d like to focus on the last one, obviously.

The form to verify your age looks something like this:

The fine print on the same page reads:

I understand that I am allowed to enter the Restricted Area only if I am 18 years or older and have a valid driver’s license. To verify my age, I hereby authorize Verification Financial Assurance Corporation (“VeriFAC”) to confirm the accuracy of the information I have provided against government-issued records. I acknowledge that the information I am providing on this page will not be collected by Sony and that it will only be accessed and used by VeriFAC to verify my age and for no other purposes.

So you have to have a driver’s license and be 18 or older. It would be easy to question the wisdom of forcing people to have a license to operate a motor vehicle to view an awesome movie trailer, but let’s not argue with that decision. It’s not like kids could just use their parents details – no kid under 18 knows their parents first and last names, let alone their birth day and their zip code. That’s some strong four-factor authentication.

Anyhow, the truly amusing part for me is that so much of the original trailer revolves around one character (Fogell, played by the incredibly named Christopher Mintz-Plasse) getting a fake ID with the name “McLovin” on it.

In what may be the greatest wasted opportunity in movie web site hisotry, the form does not successfully validate if you use a last name of “McLovin”, with a birth date of 06/03/1981 and a zip code of 96820. You get an error complaining that you didn’t fill out the first name field. Jesus, people, don’t you get it? He doesn’t even have a first name. HE IS McLOVIN.

I guess all you kids under 18 are out of luck if you want to watch the red band trailer, and you’ll have to wait till you’re older to see the DVD of what may be the greatest summer movie of all time. Sucks to be you, kids.

Sucks to be you.

What Happened To Safe Sleep?

Yesterday, on the Boot Camp page for Leopard, was a few paragraphs about a useful new feature:

Leopard brings a quicker way to switch between Mac OS X and Windows: Just choose the new Apple menu item “Restart in Windows.” Your Mac goes into “safe sleep” so that when you return, you’ll be right where you were. It’s much faster than restarting the computer each time.

Likewise, a “Restart in Mac OS X” menu item in the Boot Camp System Tray in Windows makes for a faster return to Mac OS X. With Windows hibernation enabled, you can pick up where you left off.

Today, that text is gone.

Anyone know what happened?

Adventures In Product Renaming

Back in March, Adobe was making lots of noise about a new piece of technology they were pushing then called Apollo. To avoid drowning you in buzzwords: Apollo lets you create desktop apps using web programming. Kind of neat.

But Apollo was always just a code name, and we were threatened told that the project would be renamed sometime later.

Today, Adobe announced the official name: AIR.

This is problematic for handful of reasons.

One: “AIR” is a fairly generic word. It’s the stuff we breathe. It’s a quality or manner. It can be a musical composition. It’s also a terribly popular French electronic music act. Best of luck to Adobe as they try to make page 1 on Google.

Two: Despite the acronym expanding to “Adobe Integrated Runtime”, it is being referred to repeated on the web page as “Adobe® AIR™”. That’s right: Adobe Adobe Integrated Runtime. Rolls off the tongue as easily as automated teller machine machine.

Three: I would argue calling it a runtime. Perhaps a runtime enviroment, like Java. But this is a geek quibble.

Finally: You would think “Adobe AIR” was a unique name. It’s not.

A golf clap for the renaming team. Brav-o.

An Environmentally Friendly Keynote

WWDC 2007′s Keynote just ended. What many people may not know was that the keynote was part of Apple’s goal to become a greener company.

An example? Here’s the list of the “10 new Leopard features” from last year’s keynote:

  • 64 bit
  • Time Machine
  • “Complete Package” (Photo booth / Front Row / Boot Camp)
  • Spaces
  • Spotlight
  • Core Animation
  • Universal Access
  • Mail.app
  • Dashboard
  • iChat

This year, there was another list of 10 new features.

  • New Desktop
  • New Finder
  • Quick Look
  • 64 bit
  • Core Animation
  • Boot Camp
  • Spaces
  • Dashboard
  • iChat
  • Time Machine

Depending on your view (“Boot Camp” was a part of the “Complete Package” feature; Quick Look is/was a part of Time Machine), you’ll see that 60-80% of this year’s Leopard demo was recycled.

Who would’ve thought Apple would go green so quickly?

Breaking The Trinity

Seth Jayson of The Motley Fool wrote a piece today called “Microsoft’s Xbotch“:

As an investor, I can’t help but worry that my experience with Microsoft consumer products is not out of the ordinary. Not only are repairs an expensive waste of shareholder capital, but they risk alienating potential customers and crimping future growth. In effect, it doesn’t matter if the rate of Xbotch failure is as low as Microsoft reportedly contends, because the perceived rate of failure is what matters to consumers. People trust what they hear. And if they hear enough from irate Xbotch or Zune customers, they aren’t going to open up the wallet.

This is the conclusion of the story of one irate Xbox customer.

Movable Type Gets Rebooted

Four months ago, I had a crisis of faith about my blogging platform. (That sounds very emo.) Today, Six Apart announced MovableType 4. It’s in beta, has a ton of new features, and most importantly, will be open source upon release. At last, I’m excited about using MT again. To the 6A team – cheers. I’m really looking forward to cutting my teeth on this. To Anil – I owe you a Shack burger. Thanks for listening, man. To my four readers – I’m upgrading to the beta in a minute or two. This may get bumpy. Hang in there.

Life Lesson Of The Day

If you’re driving, and a sign says that the tunnel you’re about to enter is 6 inches shorter than your vehicle, do not attempt to drive all the way through it.

Welcome to Manhattan, idiot.