August 2006
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Month August 2006

Olbermann Knocks It Out Of The Park

That subversion I was talking about yesterday? It doesn’t have to be sarcastic or shocking. Sometimes the truth is more than enough. (If you’re reading this via syndication or LiveJournal, click here for the video.) The full transcript – and I apologize about the length, but this needs to be read – is courtesy of MSNBC:

The man who sees absolutes, where all other men see nuances and shades of meaning, is either a prophet, or a quack.

Donald H. Rumsfeld is not a prophet.

Mr. Rumsfeld’s remarkable speech to the American Legion yesterday demands the deep analysis — and the sober contemplation — of every American.

For it did not merely serve to impugn the morality or intelligence — indeed, the loyalty — of the majority of Americans who oppose the transient occupants of the highest offices in the land. Worse, still, it credits those same transient occupants — our employees — with a total omniscience; a total omniscience which neither common sense, nor this administration’s track record at home or abroad, suggests they deserve.

Dissent and disagreement with government is the life’s blood of human freedom; and not merely because it is the first roadblock against the kind of tyranny the men Mr. Rumsfeld likes to think of as “his” troops still fight, this very evening, in Iraq.

It is also essential. Because just every once in awhile it is right and the power to which it speaks, is wrong.

In a small irony, however, Mr. Rumsfeld’s speechwriter was adroit in invoking the memory of the appeasement of the Nazis. For in their time, there was another government faced with true peril — with a growing evil — powerful and remorseless.

That government, like Mr. Rumsfeld’s, had a monopoly on all the facts. It, too, had the “secret information.” It alone had the true picture of the threat. It too dismissed and insulted its critics in terms like Mr. Rumsfeld’s — questioning their intellect and their morality.

That government was England’s, in the 1930s.

It knew Hitler posed no true threat to Europe, let alone England.

It knew Germany was not re-arming, in violation of all treaties and accords.

It knew that the hard evidence it received, which contradicted its own policies, its own conclusions — its own omniscience — needed to be dismissed.

The English government of Neville Chamberlain already knew the truth.

Most relevant of all — it “knew” that its staunchest critics needed to be marginalized and isolated. In fact, it portrayed the foremost of them as a blood-thirsty war-monger who was, if not truly senile, at best morally or intellectually confused.

That critic’s name was Winston Churchill.

Sadly, we have no Winston Churchills evident among us this evening. We have only Donald Rumsfelds, demonizing disagreement, the way Neville Chamberlain demonized Winston Churchill.

History — and 163 million pounds of Luftwaffe bombs over England — have taught us that all Mr. Chamberlain had was his certainty — and his own confusion. A confusion that suggested that the office can not only make the man, but that the office can also make the facts.

Thus, did Mr. Rumsfeld make an apt historical analogy.

Excepting the fact, that he has the battery plugged in backwards.

His government, absolute — and exclusive — in its knowledge, is not the modern version of the one which stood up to the Nazis.

It is the modern version of the government of Neville Chamberlain.

But back to today’s Omniscient ones.

That, about which Mr. Rumsfeld is confused is simply this: This is a Democracy. Still. Sometimes just barely.

And, as such, all voices count — not just his.

Had he or his president perhaps proven any of their prior claims of omniscience — about Osama Bin Laden’s plans five years ago, about Saddam Hussein’s weapons four years ago, about Hurricane Katrina’s impact one year ago — we all might be able to swallow hard, and accept their “omniscience” as a bearable, even useful recipe, of fact, plus ego.

But, to date, this government has proved little besides its own arrogance, and its own hubris.

Mr. Rumsfeld is also personally confused, morally or intellectually, about his own standing in this matter. From Iraq to Katrina, to the entire “Fog of Fear” which continues to envelop this nation, he, Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, and their cronies have — inadvertently or intentionally — profited and benefited, both personally, and politically.

And yet he can stand up, in public, and question the morality and the intellect of those of us who dare ask just for the receipt for the Emporer’s New Clothes?

In what country was Mr. Rumsfeld raised? As a child, of whose heroism did he read? On what side of the battle for freedom did he dream one day to fight? With what country has he confused the United States of America?

The confusion we — as its citizens — must now address, is stark and forbidding.

But variations of it have faced our forefathers, when men like Nixon and McCarthy and Curtis LeMay have darkened our skies and obscured our flag. Note — with hope in your heart — that those earlier Americans always found their way to the light, and we can, too.

The confusion is about whether this Secretary of Defense, and this administration, are in fact now accomplishing what they claim the terrorists seek: The destruction of our freedoms, the very ones for which the same veterans Mr. Rumsfeld addressed yesterday in Salt Lake City, so valiantly fought.

And about Mr. Rumsfeld’s other main assertion, that this country faces a “new type of fascism.”

As he was correct to remind us how a government that knew everything could get everything wrong, so too was he right when he said that — though probably not in the way he thought he meant it.

This country faces a new type of fascism – indeed.

Although I presumptuously use his sign-off each night, in feeble tribute, I have utterly no claim to the words of the exemplary journalist Edward R. Murrow.

But never in the trial of a thousand years of writing could I come close to matching how he phrased a warning to an earlier generation of us, at a time when other politicians thought they (and they alone) knew everything, and branded those who disagreed: “confused” or “immoral.”

Thus, forgive me, for reading Murrow, in full:

“We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty,” he said, in 1954. “We must remember always that accusation is not proof, and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law.”

“We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate, and to defend causes that were for the moment unpopular.”

And so good night, and good luck.

(video is courtesy of Crooks And Liars)

The Fifth Horseman Returns: Lamprey Systems Back Online

The first two years of my online life didn’t involve chatting or the web, but merely downloading all the shareware I could possibly find.

Out of the hundreds of games I downloaded, the shareware author who stood out the most was Robert Carr of Lamprey Systems. Robert was (and presumably still is) a member of the Church Of Subgenius. He produced some of the most fucked up software you could ever find, especially when you are the tender age of 15. Example: one of the games, Operation Rescue promised to “put the fun back in abortion”. The rest is left as an exercise for the reader.

Robert once said in an interview that his philosophy was as follows:

  1. Scare and offend normal people.
  2. Subvert their children.
  3. Provide comfort to the weird.

He pretty much succeeded on all fronts. #2 I can personally vouch for; Lamprey served a key role in my personal subversion and eventual cultural awakening, as it were. Around 2000, Lamprey disappeared from the Internet. Third-party archives that housed the games dried up, as most of those sorts of sites tend to do. About once a year, I would search for anything relating to the company, and about all I found over the last six years was a single interview with Robert.

That is, until today, when I found that Lamprey had been reborn a few months ago. (If you can’t figure out that the site is NSFW given the above, the rest of the post is going to go over your head.) LS was not just reborn with the same Classic apps that were there before (although they are still there), but with two OS X apps.

The first, MacJesusX (aka MacJesus Gold Millenium Extreme), is the third major revision of the originally offensive MacJesus. MacJesus is like ELIZA, only deified. Now OS X native and with 102% more blastphemy, MacJesusX is the only savior you need.

The second, [Transmaniacon], is not much of an app, but: imagine the brain loading sequence from The Matrix. Now replace all the images with the bizarre. That’s the basic idea.

There’s plenty more to the Lamprey site if you’ve never been – the collection of death threats and hate mail is an endless pile of laughter and tears. I’ll let you explore the rest on your own.

While I was going through the site, I noticed that Robert’s goal was on the FUQ page: “I want to offend one portion of the population while making another laugh. I want to put a smile on the face of everybody’s who’s bored and horrified with this society.” I’m trying not to wax too philosophical about a software company that made a piece of software called “FCK ‘EM!” (subtitle: *All That’s Missing Is U!), but here goes:

The world right now is, for lack of a better term, pretty fucked. I will spare you a long linked list of political blunders, socioeconomic crises, and religious zealotry – let’s just agree that the world is not a wonderful place right now. We are ruled by terror and faith rather than sanity and thought. When the plot from V For Vendetta seems plausable, folks, we’re heading downhill fast.

Entities like Lamprey buck this trend. It’s not just Lamprey – there are plenty of other challenges to common perceptions, like Kirby Dick and Eddie Schmidt’s new film, or (to some extent) the entire body of the Colbert Report. Point is: we need independent minds to provide the means – be they shocking, controversial, or just outright funny – to open more minds.

With this in mind, I can firmly say I’ve never been so excited to see one web site return online in all my life.

A Long Drag

A Long Drag (Closeup)

A dirty bum stretches out on 2nd Ave, making the section of sidewalk his own. The population of the East Village treats him as damage and routes around him.

He pulls out a cyan packet of tobacco and sloppily rolls a cigarette. His head relaxes on the concrete step as he lights the cigarette, closes his eyes, and takes a long drag.

He doesn’t matter to the world, and the world doesn’t matter to him.

The Wizard DVD Sucks

Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you with important news.

For a number of people in my generation – plus those generations one above and one below me; people roughly between the ages of 18 and 30 – the impending DVD release of The Wizard, the 1989 video game opus was welcome news.

I came across a copy of the DVD today, and I nearly squealed in joy to pick it up. The actual release isn’t scheduled until August 29th, and while the store is notorious for breaking street dates, there’s always a rush to get your hands on something early. But something struck me oddly: why was it only $11.99? I turned the DVD over, and noticed very quickly: there were no extra features listed on the back.

I bought it anyhow. Hey, $12 for a piece of my youth is chump change – and besides, there might be features on it and they just didn’t list it.

I inserted the disc when I returned home a short while ago and was greated with this menu:

My jaw dropped. Okay, fine, no special features, but…no scene select?

I clicked Languages with the slightest hint of hope. It was quickly eliminated.

So congratulations, Universal Studios Home Video – you had a chance to do some serious cult-market long-tail sales with this film. People wanted commentaries with Jenny Lewis and Fred Savage, making-of information, anything. And you blew it. You didn’t get the star.

And if you don’t believe me and my screenshots, Rotten Tomatoes confirms it.

I cannot love this DVD. It’s so bad – in the exact opposite way of the Power Glove. Fellow gamers, heed this warning well – The Wizard DVD will break your heart.

Peeping Tom + Gnarls Barkley @ Central Park Summerstage

Mike Skinner & The Band

I Know That Assholes Grow On Trees

St. Elsewhere

Gnarls Barkley Logo

This was the second of six concerts and shows scheduled loosely over the next month. Next up: Revenge Of The Bookeaters.

Both bands impressed me live. Peeping Tom – Mike Patton’s six year project – managed to keep the same level of energy shown on the album in a live show. Mike did seem a little exasperated that he couldn’t get the crowd into a complete frenzy, but this may not have been a total shock given the headlining act. Gnarls Barkley, it seems to go without saying, put on an enchanting show, mixing covers (they opened with Another Brick in the Wall) with their album material. I don’t think anyone left disappointed. I have some video recorded of them closing with Crazy, but it will have to wait until tomorrow until I can pull it off my unauthorized recording device.

A word about the pictures: Summerstage is not a large venue, but I was probably about as far from the stage as you could be. On the upside, this provided me with the height to get good shots of the stage. On the downside, between having to shoot almost entirely at 300mm and the rapidly decreasing daylight, I only managed to convert just over 10% of my shots into upload-worthy material.

The remainder of the pictures are available as part of my Flickr set, Peeping Tom + Gnarls Barkley

Snarks On A Plane

After the mass of hysteria early this week, here was my experience flying from Oakland to JFK on Friday morning:

6:48 – got on the SuperShuttle.
7:15 – arrived at the airport. Traffic was practically non-existant.
7:26 – bag was checked by JetBlue. The girl looked at my boarding pass and said “Wow, you are EARLY.” (My flight wasn’t scheduled until 11:10.)
7:29 – found my place in the security line. I could see the metal detectors from where I was.
7:31 – reached the place in line where the line separates for each of the six metal detectors.
7:35 – reassembled myself, having cleared security.

My total time from hotel to the gate was under an hour. If you just look at the chunk of time at the airport, it was 20 minutes to clear all the formalities.

The wait was not any worse than normal – hell, this might even be better than normal. So I’m giving a tip of the hat to the staff at Oakland for keeping things smooth. The wag of the finger goes to the crazed news media who have the world convinced that you have to get to the airport half a day in advance.

After spending three hours waiting at the gate, we were told the flight was going to be late. Apparently the in-flight crew was stuck in traffic, or something. This was mind-boggling, to put it mildly. Time ticked by and I was facing a 30 minute delay – and I had 70 minutes to make my connection to Portland for a family wedding this weekend. Thankfully, an entirely different crew was available, jumped in, and got us on our way. Not only did we make up all but five minutes, but we were treated to the greatest pre-flight security demonstration in history. Some choice quotes from the duration of the flight:

  • “Ladies and gentlemen, to help us board faster, we’d appreciate it if you push the person in front of you. Thank you.”
  • “If you haven’t been on a train, on a bus, or in a bumpercar in the last 20 years, this is how a seatbelt works.”
  • “The captain has informed me that our flying time will be four hours and ninety-three minutes.”
  • “Your life preserver should not be taken out unless there is an emergency landing, or an in-cabin pool party.”
  • “Your life preserver is equipped with a light so that sharks can see what they’re eating.”
  • “To start the pull of oxygen, pull down on the mask and slip it over your head. The bag will not inflate. Stop screaming.”
  • “If you are traveling with children, or someone who acts childish, put your own mask on first and then assist them. If you are traveling with more than one child, decide which one you like best.”
  • “There is no smoking in the bathroom. If we see smoke coming from the bathroom, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. The smoking lounge is over the left and right wings of the aircraft. A movie is being shown: Gone With The Wind.”
  • “If you need the light on in your seat, press the button with the lightbulb on it. Don’t press the one with the little yellow man, he quit last week.”
  • “Ladies and gentlemen, if you look over the right wing of the airplane, you’ll see absolutely nothing.”

This may sound shocking, or disturbing, in light of the mood that surrounds flying in paranoia and fear. For us, though, it was a relief. It was much appreciated.

This good mood was dampened, however, when Katie and I got to Portland. My bag popped off the conveyer early. Hers – which contained all of our dress clothes for the wedding – did not.

It’s taken 24 hours for JetBlue to finally figure out what happened to our bag, and while we haven’t received it yet – and we may not until after we get back home – I have been informed what happened.

Our bag took a trip to Oakland.

Putting WWDC On Notice

More when I get a chance.

VJ Army 4.0 Preview

In January of 2004, I launched the first major version of VJ Army, my Beatmania IIDX score tracking and community site.

Since that time, over 2500 users have registered, inputting nearly 500,000 scores collectively across 10 different game titles. By all traditional means, the site is a smashing success.

However, reality has set in recently: the site has always been rough around the edges, because I am not a designer. Worse, my time to work on the site has been greatly limited as my work obligations continue to grow.

Luckily, there is relief in sight. I am happy to announce VJ Army 4.0, scheduled for release around September 1st of this year. 4.0 represents massive overhauls to both the codebase and the VJ Army coding process. I’ve been really pleased with what’s been accomplished so far, and I’d like to give you a little tour through some of the fantastical newness.

Warning: lots of mind-blowing screenshots ahead.