"Like A Gay Porn Site With A Mac Bent"
Oh dear. This one is going to haunt me for years.
Google recently introduced some neat free stats for webmasters, and being the eager webmaster I am, I decided to sign up and enable myself.
What I found is that while many of my top search terms are reasonable ("quicksilver os x", "play asia", "ny1"), my #5 Top Search Query and my #1 and #2 Top Search Query Clicks are, in the words of Rob Huebel, "un-savory". And the problem is, I know why - at least partially.
This one is potentially not safe for work. You're going to have to click through for the rest of the story.
That magic search query is my cock. No, I'm not joking:
And not only is it my top clickthrough - I'm #1 for that search query. This means that if you google for "my cock", above all the porno sites and disgustingness, you get the bright shining beacon of good that is vjarmy.com. Hell, if you're feeling lucky for "my cock", you end up here too.
Before I go off the deep end with the lengthy dick jokes, I should explain:
Back in March of 2004, a certain well-known blogger/programmer made a long post about how great RSS was in comparison to Atom as a syndication format. These sorts of arguments bore 99.9% of the populace, but I always found them interesting. This one threw me, though; the title of the post was "RSS is raging".
Being a touch immature (who isn't?), when I hear the word "raging", I think of immature things. So on a whim, I ripped the text of the post, replaced all instances of "RSS" with "my cock", and read it. It was hilarious, but not something I wanted to post to my blog. I dumped it to a text file, linked to it in a very current-tech friendly IRC channel, one where the person in question is a frequently point of conversation.
That was it. That was the end of my paying attention to it or doing anything with it. Didn't link to it from my blog, didn't mention that I had done this - just buried the file. I got 4 links, according to Technorati; Google has 3, although one was inside a MetaFilter thread. Still - nothing really substantial, right?
But apparently not. I guess the repetition in the text file, combined with the few links I've gotten, make for a top search term. And it's frustrating, because I'd rather be found based on the useful things I've written than the goofy one-off jokes I do.
For now, Google has made this my cross to bear. And if some day, I fall off the top of the rankings, or hopefully find a less offensive search term to top the charts at, I'll always have this post to remember this "event" by.
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About
Dan Dickinson is a 28 year old living in Jersey City, New Jersey. He works in the strange intersection of collaborative technologies, education, and medicine. His passions include finding unexpected paths and connections, music/rhythm video games, and backchannels. This has been his primary (vivid) weblog since February of 2000, seeing infrequent but overzealous updates. [more]
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“It’s pretty clear my cock is over the top, no matter what the Atom people do. Google is powerful, but they’re not so powerful that they can compete with the ever increasing mountain of support for my cock. And why should they pick a fight with my cock?”
Wow. Simply, wow.
This reminds me of how my own personal site is, in fact, the #1 hit for “talim hentai”.
I’m number 1 for: Calorie Cruncher and “Liberty Names of America”
(Yes, lack of, and then quotes, are important.)
This doesn’t explain the Guilty Gear XX slash, you know.
Well, if it’s any consolation, the linked text file made me laugh soundly for several minutes :D
The Guilty Gear XX Slash thing is probably due to this post, as it’s the only post I have that references Guilty Gear at all.
Heh. Oddly enough, this is exactly how I found your site in the first place…