There Really Is Nothing To Do In Idaho

You’re a governing body in charge of a state known best for potatoes. A somewhat successful movie takes place in it. What do you do?
You pass the funniest resolution in legislative history.

I quote (boldface mine):

> IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
> HOUSE CONCURRENT RESOLUTION NO. 29
> BY WAYS AND MEANS COMMITTEE
> A CONCURRENT RESOLUTION STATING LEGISLATIVE FINDINGS AND COMMENDING JARED AND JERUSHA HESS AND THE CITY OF PRESTON FOR THE PRODUCTION OF THE MOVIE “NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.”
> Be It Resolved by the Legislature of the State of Idaho:
> WHEREAS, the State of Idaho recognizes the vision, talent and creativity of Jared and Jerusha Hess in the writing and production of “Napoleon Dynamite”; and
> WHEREAS, the scenic and beautiful City of Preston, County of Franklin and the State of Idaho are experiencing increased tourism and economic growth; and
> WHEREAS, filmmaker Jared Hess is a native Idahoan who was educated in the Idaho public school system; and
> WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff, **particularly the cafeteria staff**, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and
> **WHEREAS, tater tots figure prominently in this film thus promoting Idaho’s most famous export; and**
> WHEREAS, the friendship between Napoleon and Pedro has furthered multiethnic relationships; and
> **WHEREAS, Uncle Rico’s football skills are a testament to Idaho athletics; and**
> **WHEREAS, Napoleon’s bicycle and Kip’s skateboard promote better air quality and carpooling as alternatives to fuel-dependent methods of transportation; and**
> WHEREAS, Grandma’s trip to the St. Anthony Sand Dunes highlights a long-honored Idaho vacation destination; and
> **WHEREAS, Rico and Kip’s Tupperware sales and Deb’s keychains and glamour shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho’s small towns; and**
> WHEREAS, Napoleon’s artistic rendition of Trisha is an example of the importance of the visual arts in K-12 education; and
> WHEREAS, the schoolwide Preston High School student body elections foster an awareness in Idaho’s youth of public service and civic duty; and
> WHEREAS, the “Happy Hands” club and the requirement that candidates for school president present a skit is an example of the importance of theater arts in K-12 education; and
> **WHEREAS, Pedro’s efforts to bake a cake for Summer illustrate the positive connection between culinary skills to lifelong relationships; and**
> **WHEREAS, Kip’s relationship with LaFawnduh is a tribute to e-commerce and Idaho’s technology-driven industry; and**
> **WHEREAS, Kip and LaFawnduh’s wedding shows Idaho’s commitment to healthy marriages; and**
> **WHEREAS, the prevalence of cooked steak as a primary food group pays tribute to Idaho’s beef industry; and**
> **WHEREAS, Napoleon’s tetherball dexterity emphasizes the importance of physical education in Idaho public schools; and**
> **WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the 4-H milk cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho’s animal husbandry; and**
> WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho **who choose to vote “Nay” on this concurrent resolution are “FREAKIN’ IDIOTS!” and run the risk of having the “Worst Day of Their Lives!”**
> NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the members of the First Regular Session of the Fifty-eighth Idaho Legislature, the House of Representatives and the Senate concurring therein, that we commend Jared and Jerusha Hess and the City of Preston for showcasing the positive aspects of Idaho’s youth, rural culture, education system, athletics, economic prosperity and diversity.
> BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that we, the members of the House of Representatives and the Senate of the State of Idaho, advocate always following your heart, and thus we eagerly await the next cinematic undertaking of Idaho’s Hess family.
> BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Chief Clerk of the House of Representatives be, and she is hereby authorized and directed to forward a copy of this resolution to Jared and Jerusha Hess, the Mayor of the City of Preston and the Principal of Preston High School.

(Link is via the always prescient Andy Baio.)

  • Xythar

    So what exactly are resolutions for? What’s the purpose of this one? The legalese makes my head hurt.
    It’s still pretty funny, but I don’t entirely get what they’re doing.